Calling Upon Nations
by Inter-VersaLoli
Summary: At a dark hour of the Abyssal War, an attempt is made to call upon the Nations of the World (and not just their ships) for aid. The result was... not quite what they were expecting. A [Kantai Collection/Polandball] crossover!
1. Suddenly, Balls!

It was the year 20XX. The year against the dread Abyss had just reached it's sixth year, and things were not going well.

The Atlantic had since fallen, and the Indian Ocean seemed poised to soon follow suit. The Pacific lanes were still held, but the top brass agreed: If they did not have any strategic breakthroughs in fighting the Abyssals soon, then they were all screwed.

But one research ship had a plan.

"Now, Yuubari, I didn't completely get that hasty explanation you gave me in the office earlier, may I ask-"

"For me to explain again? Sure thing, Admiral!" the research ship chirped, clearly excited beyond nornal at the experiment that was about to be done in the summoning chamber.

"As you well know, WWII battleships weren't the only ones to've been summoned in human form. We've also gotten paper battleships that were planned, but never actually built. We got airships, which are "ships" only in the loosest sense of the word. We've even gotten fictional ships as girls too, and from what we could get from our little Abyssal friend, apparently she and other like her are really embodiments of miscellaneous ports and installations, all over the world..."

"And your point, Yuubari?" the Admiral pressed.

"The point is, Admiral, that all of these esoteric summonings got me thinking: are we truly just limited to summoning mere warships, sir? Sure, they're a formidable force, no doubt, the combined sweat and tears of an entire nation. Or at least their navy. But then I wonder, if these warships are that powerful, then how much more powerful would the personification of entire countries be, Teitoku!? All that history and spiritual belief! That combined physical and intellectual firepower! Teitoku, if this experiment manages to pull of what I hope it's going to pull off, then this whole war could be over already!" she said, her voice steadily increasing until everyone else in the chamber could hear her words.

Adm. Andrews, the American admiral, raised an eyebrow. "Now that's a steep claim to make, Captain Yuubari. How soon do you think you can back up those words?"

"Very soon, I expect, if my calculations are correct." she said, rangefinders fixed on nothing else but the pool in front of her.

And then, the ceremony started. I won't bore you with the details of it, but I will say that it involved an African choir, lots of national flags, and an oversized world map.

The pool started to glow. Slowly at first, then brighter and brighter, until it was like if a dozen flashbangs went off in the middle of the room.

When people began to remove their hands and sleeves from their faces, they couldn't help themselves but stare. For the beings that now floated on the pool were not humanoid in the slightest.

Instead, multiple, roughly basketball-sized spherical shapes floated on the surface of the water, with various colours and markings on them that Goto immediately recognised as the flags of various countries. They also had blank white eyes, apparently.

The sphere that had Netherlands' colours widened his (rather pinkish) eyes, and started looking around frantically.

"Oh noes, mein polders has flooded. Clay is all water now." it said. It then pulled out a pot pipe from somewhere, and started smoking it.

"Nein, dutch, iz not a case of bad flooding " the ball with the German tricolour, with a very exaggerated German accent. "In fact, iz not anybodies clay that mein recognize." It then suddenly noticed all the other people in the chamber.

"H-Hello?" Yuubari ventured.

Another ball leapt out of the water to greet her back, with such smiley eyes that made several destroyers mutter about how cute they are.

"Hello, me is Poland! And over dere is Netherlands, Germoney, Aus-tralia, and a few falafel I forget namings of."

"Hey!"

It then turned back to Yuubari and the Admirals.

"Excuse, what countrey is of you, your shape is very strange?" the talking ball responded.

For the next minute, the whole chamber was dead silent.

" Hello? Are you of okay, strange countres?" 


	2. Eating Habits

It's been a few days, since Yokosuka's newest residents arrived over here.

A few shipgirls sat in the canteen, sparse on these types of afternoons. _Technically_ on duty, but with no sorties to sortie in, or paperwork to fill.

Kongou was sipping tea and enjoying the cloudless day, the presence of friends, and an exceptional cup of Earl Grey. She really _must_ thank Haruna for the brew, her brewing skills have certainly advanced far since she first got used to having hands.

Sitting across was the loud and proud New Jersey. Who was currently _very_ distracted, constantly looking from her own cup, to the table after the table next to theirs.

"Something bothering you, Jersey-san?"

The Iowa-class jumped and looked back, as if she'd forgotten that she wasn't alone.

"Oh, um, _yeah_ , kind of." she said, scratching her head." You know the new arrivals that were just summoned the other day?"

"You mean those cute little nation-balls?"

"Yeeeeaah... Here's something I don't get: Why _balls_?" she asked, looking back.

On that table, sat Akizuki, Tashkent, Jervis, Lebe, and Libeccio, each having "ball" of their respective countries on their lap.

"Ital, ital…" Italyball said.

" _Aww_ , it's so _cute_! Like a an oversized talking meatball!" squealed Libeccio.

"Italien, stop zat!" Germanyball admonished. "We are of _respectable_ European countries, and so we are of speaking in clear, _rational_ language."

Lebe pinched Germanyball's side.

"Ah! _Frau_ Leberecht Maass, pinching is not proper behavior for ein proud destrooyer of ze Fatherland!"

Pinch.

" _Gah!_ "

"Truly, it is a mystery… But then again, we Shipgirls are also quite the enigma, eh?" Kongou was content to conclude, pouring herself a new cup of tea.

* _THUMP_ *

"Bu-But I still don't understand… Why are they _balls_ , while we're _girls_? What's the _logic_ , the rea-AARGH, my brain!"

Jersey clutched her head as it rolled around on the tabletop.

"… Jersey-chan, you dropped your teacup."

*Angrily confused battleship noises*

*Sigh*

MEANWHILE, AT THE DESTROYER'S TABLE…

"Umm, 'zuki, you've given Japan most of your lunch..."

Akizuki blinked, and looked down. Japanball was _stuffed_ with rice and tempura, making it look like a balloon stuffed with flab.

"Ah!"

She stood up, placed Japanball down, then bowed repeatedly to it.

" _Gomennasai!_ I couldn't make myself stop!"

"Is okay, Akizuki-san." Japanball managed to say. It then made a movement that looks almost like a bow, but all it's extra mass made it so that it could only shift a little to the front, and downwards.

"Forget about Japan, what about _you_? You've barely eaten anything. And we're already eating a late lunch. Aren't you starving?" Jervis asked.

Akizuki cheerfully shook her head.

"It's okay! I don't really need _that_ much food, anyways! I need to reserve what we have for the _homeland_ , after all." she said, squeezing Japanball like a stuffed toy.

Her stomach then made a deep, rumbling sound. It was the sound that whales made only during their most secret and sacred of magical rites, a song no ordinary humans knew, and only a handful of nonhumans have ever heard.

It was the sound the earth made, when mother Gaia tossed and turned in her sacred Earth-sleep. When the plates moved and the ground shook, and liquid earth came seeping out from below.

It was the sound dread Cthulu made, as it slept deep beneath the impossible city, ready to wake and make all our great works nought.

The other destroyers just looked amongst each other.

Carrying Akizuki, they personally force-fed her one of every item served by the canteen.


	3. It's Balfour Time

Summoning.

Despite some misconceptions, it was not as simple as some priest standing in front of a pool and doing some song and dance. Each Summoning involved over a hundred servicemen and civilians, as well as hundreds of dollars worth of offerings in steel, bauxite and oil for each attempt.

The media were invited, a first. Cameramen were ambling around, setting up tripods or adjusting lights. Smartly-dressed correspondents stood nearby, rehearsing lines or conversing with fellow newscasters.

Admiral Richards, USN, didn't know who exactly gave the go-ahead to let news cameras in, but she was sure whoever signed off on it had never stepped foot on a Shipgirl base in their lives. Considering the _shenanigans_ humanity's last line of defense gets up to on a daily basis, one would think that the higher-ups would do _anything_ to prevent the media from entering.

…

Actually, that just about explains it. The higher-ups have _no idea_ what goes on in Shipgirl bases, do they?

One could only hope this was one of those few days where none of the several dozen Shipgirls currently stationed here felt like trying out one of their _bright ideas_.

One can _hope_.

Several foreign dignitaries attended this summoning as well. A show of friendship and solidarity between nations. And also, perhaps, a hope that their presence might encourage the spirits of _their_ nations to come forth as well.

The Admirals in the room wished _extra_ hard for nothing to happen around them.

The summoning began. The same procedure as last time (devised by Cpt. Yuubari of the R&D Division) was used: African choir singing in full force, the flags and banners of countries around the world were unfurling around the perimeter of the room. The only difference being that the "balls" of those countries not yet summoned were highlighted, their flags and insignias placed vanward.

The water started bubbling like the surface of a witch's cauldron.

It continued to boil…

And bubble…

Boil…

Bubble…

The water _flashed_ , like a flashbang going off, bright enough to blind anybody looking in it's general direction, and deafen most everyone, if only for a moment.

…

And when everyone looked back, the pool now had occupants.

The cameras started clicking.

Just like before, the summoned took the form of multiple spherical beings, with blank yet expressive white eyes, and no mouth. Together, they spoke.

" _Hooray_ , we are of modern secular nation-states now! We are finally _free_ from shtoopid imperialist pig rule of Franc and Britain!"

At that moment, all Shipgirls in the room from Britannia and L'Hexagone _twitched_.

There were approximately two dozen balls at first glance, a good chunk bearing colours of red, white, black and green, with some blue scattered here and there.

"Oh, _salam_ there, kafir harbi!" one of the balls (all-green, with the _shahada_ and a sword in white) "greeted". "We are of the great and mighty Arab League! What has made of you to come to us? Perhaps you are of sick and tired of your atheist ways and wish to be of the one true faith!? Is okay, the great holy prophet has taught us to welcomes all races!" it preened.

"Oh, joy." droned Ark Royal. Lady Warspite, typically so collected, began to shift uneasily in her wheelchair.

The room erupted in a cacophony. Newscasters were talking into the cameras, cameras handheld and mounted were jostling to get the clearest view, and lights started flashing all around the darkened room, dizzying anyone without the quick sense to look away.

Admiral Cummingham, Royal Navy, resisted the urge to facepalm.

"Should me and the girls throw them all out, sir?" a stately battlecruiser asked, knuckles cracking. "Me and Seydlitz alone could handle them in five minutes."

"No, Invincible. Unnecessarily loud or not, they haven't broken any of our rules and tried to talk to our new summons."

"Ah, I see…"

She stepped back, frowning.

Meanwhile, the summoned balls, who had just exited the pool, were clearly overwhelmed.

"Look, Palestine, we are of _famous_!" Iraq said to it's smaller compatriot.

...

The balls then noticed that Palestine had a shadow growing over it, before it was crushed like a bug under a heavy glass brick.

The other countryballs, Shipgirls, Admirals, Diplomats and cameras broadcasting live over the Internet and on international television, all stopped. Slowly, they all turned towards the new arrival.

This one also had blank white eyes. But instead of being a sphere, this one was a semi-transparent cube. Two blue bands snaking around the cube, above and below it's eyes. And between these blue bands, right between it's eyes, was… a blue Star of David.

Oh dear.

"Shalom."

The Islamic balls gathered together, eyeing this new arrival suspiciously.

"Excuse, what have yuo of done with our good friend Palestine?" asked Syria.

"…"

…

Warspite rapidly stood up from her wheelchair, dropping scepter and orb, and started sprinting window-ward.

" _Nope nope nope_ , not dealing with this bullshit, _nooope_."

She ran up the metal steps leading up to the metal catwalk, criss-crossing near the top of the crowded room, and executed a perfect action movie dive through the first window she saw, the glass artfully shattering into a rain of fragments that followed the battleship's descent, whereupon she touched ground in a flawless three-point landing.

She then ran to the edge of the water, executed an impeccable forward group dive, and started swimming towards the horizon.

...

Everyone else in the summoning chamber (humans and shipgirls, mostly) watched on.

…

And throughout all of this, the news cameras were still rolling.

* _BASH_!*

* **BOOM**!*

* _BANG_!*

Right behind them, the sounds of 1948 being reenacted were echoing madly.

*KA **BOOM** *

* _ZOOOOOOOOOOM_...*

* **RATATATATATATA** -*

Gradually, all the Admirals in the room felt a headache coming along, mocking them for ever thinking that live broadcast in a Shipgirl base would result in anything but humiliation and _pain_.


	4. Arguments

What is a Nation?

Some say it is the might and soul of an entire _people_. A force binding those who would otherwise be strangers _together_ , each bringing out the full potential of the people around them, allowing feats unreachable by individuals alone.

Others say it's the xenophobia and tribalism of mankind in it's largest form yet, an institution that denies the common brotherhood-and-sisterhood of mankind in favour of soulless competition and mindless dedication to the dominance of one's own tribe over all others. Such a worldview turns all other peoples into naught but competing Players in some sort of cosmic game, reducing humans to mere blind pawns in vaster entities, discouraged from fully relating to other humans.

Both sides have their points. That being said, such discussions usually assume Nations are intangibles. Things to believe in or rebel against.

As talking balls, all bets are off.

" _Hey!_ Stop building settlement on mine al-land, you shitty greedy zionists!" screamed Palestine.

" _Yuor_ land!? You _forfeit_ -ed it by not defending it properly, little vey! You _Arabs_ always talk the talk, but can't use modern weapons for _shit_! So, _finders-keepers_ , smelly kebabu!" Israel said.

" _Hey_ , You don't be going around and being _Anti-Semitic_! Is-rael here has had a _hard lyfe_!" Lithuania added.

"Oh, _cunt off_ , ya Balkan midget. The only reason you're with 'em is 'cause he's the only one aside of Poland that remembers ya _exist_ , ya puny ex-commie!" Australia said.

Lithuania's eyes started to water. Australia turned to Israel.

"And _you_. I ain't forgot how you tried tha copy me passports to use in _fucking wetwork_ , and _your_ crying about how tha' world is againt you? Don be fackin' _joking_ , you Yahweh _Wankers_!"

* * *

While this was going on, Admiral Richardson (USN) _watched_.

She stood, holding a paper cup of coffee in one hand, and a binder full of administrative debris under the other, staring at the ticking time bomb before her.

She's had experience, handling Shipgirls. How could _anyone_ be in the Navy since Blood Week and _not_ have seen or met Shipgirls, after all? She knew the warning signs that led (inevitably) to _shenanigans_.

"Uh oh..." said Captain Ishigaki (JMSDF) beside her. Seconds ago, the two had been chatting about their long and varied experiences managing the walking absurdities that were Shipgirls.

Richardson looked left, then right, then looked behind her. Nobody seemed to be doing anything but watch. Some were even recording this on their _phones_! They knew the restriction on cell phone usage in camp!

The Admiral noted their name patches.

Sighing, she downed her cup, ignoring the protests from her throat as she poured scalding liquid down it like a drain pipe. She flung the cup towards a nearby dumpster, and started pulling out her phone.

 _Fuck_ yuo, NATO _Dipshits!_ " said Russia.

" _Jajajajajaja_ , icth that all the inzults you can muster, ein Russkie? How iz your _economie_ , by the way? Did _communism_ do anything for you?

" _Blyad_! We would still bei respected, if not for dhose Gang of 8 _traitor_ s!"

" _Oh_ , poor Rossyia! Are yuo ztill moping about ze past?" Germany said.

"Oh _fuck off_ cyka, we fucking _raped_ ye in die War!"

"Oh, ja? But what has youn done since then? Nothing but arms dealing, oppression, and dashcam videos! Though thae last one is ein funny much of the time, I have to give you that!"

" _Grrrrrr..._ "

Meanwhile, Russia and Germany's little tiff (which might not have started if Israel and Palestine hadn't started a shouting match), had… _encouraged_ other countryballs that _now_ was the time to settle their conflicts once and for all. (Diplomacy _purely_ optional)

"Gib back Constantinople!" Greece screamed, his _xiphos_ cutting through the air.

Turkey scimitar parried it, before trying to cut Greece in two likewise.

India and Pakistan were just metres away. They stared each other down, both of them flanked by _hundreds_ of foot-sized tanks and artillery. They were also holding a suspicious-looking missile each, brandishing them like swords.

"Indoyia, ifs you forfeit now, then I will of considering to bestow _Allah's mercy_ on you, undeserving though you are, idol-worshipping infidel!"

" _Ha_! Like I would _trust_ yuo, you shitty kebab Paki-stan!" he answered, before the two charged each other.

"Gib me back to daddy _Oireland_!" screamed North Ireland, unloading an entire AR-18 magazine in Britain and Ireland's general direction.

The two countryballs ducked. Prone, Ireland raised it's head up.

"Dee _fuck_ , Noth Ireland? If you wanna join us so bad, why are bullets comin' towards _us_ , too!? Even if Britain releases you, I wouldn't want such an out-of-control lil' shit to be a part o' me!" Ireland said.

North Ireland begun to tear up. "But… B-But..."

The Armalite North Ireland held clattered to the ground, and the little ball started to _spasm_ , white flags covered by a red cross popping out of North Ireland's skin at an alarming rate.

" _Holy fleg_ , what's happenin' to 'em!?" Ireland asked.

"Why're you asking _me_!? You're the one that shares his stock!" Britain said.

"D'ya think because we both hav 'Ireland' in tha name, we have'a lotta things in common!?"

North Ireland surface grew whiter, and whiter. A red, all-encompassing cross appeared,, and an image of an open red hand appeared between it's eyes.

" _Remov_ Catholic! Ulster _forever Protestant_! _Long leve the Queeen!_ " it said, spraying it's SA80 skyward like it was an Afgan wedding.

Meanwhile, pandemonium had set in everywhere else on base. People heard the rampant gunfire just a block or two away, and started running like hell.

" _Holy fuck_ , Admiral, get down!"

Hearing the crack of gunfire, Ishigaki pushed Richardson to the ground. Paperwork now scattered on the driveway, they both crawled away as fast as possible.

Shouting was everywhere.

The two officers peeked out from where they hid, behind a nearby dumpster.

". . ."

". . ."

"... My God..."

"Yeah, I know, right?"

"... They might be even more out-of-control than the Destroyers."

Just as he said that, there was a massive explosion, so bright it turned every piece of glass within sight of the epicenter as opaque as a piece of burnt leather.

…

A few seconds passed, before the Admiral decided to speak again.

"You know what? I can't wait until 'Murica arrives. We'll _surely_ be able to communicate with 'em better than those crazy other countries, eh?"

The Captain narrowed his eyes at her.

"... All right, all right. Stupid hope, I know".

Reinforcements finally arrived. They comprised an entire section of human MPs, lead by a few Coast Guard Shipgirls.

Upon seeing the chaos unfolding, the MPs talked among themselves with an invisible language consisting of pointed looks, nods, and vigorous shakings of the head. Finally, it seemed they decided the Shipgirls would take point on this one.

The Shipgirl MPs charged towards the quarrelling countryballs, yelling at them to stop.

* * *

 **One hour later...**

 _Breaking News!_

 _Yokosuka residents going about her morning today were interrupted by the sound of what seemed to be a loud explosion in the distance, in the rough direction of Yokosuka Naval Base. The sound was loud enough that those living as far as Central Tokyo heard some of it._

 _A few survivors of the old War, in particular, had remarked that they were reminded of the nuclear blasts._

 _Phone usage briefly surged, as worried citizens called loved ones, or contacted official channels in an effort to figure out the situation. Emergency Services were also put on standby._

 _The JSDF has recently released an official statement, stating the sound was that of an ammunition dump igniting, due to an electrical fault. The statement then further stated that there were no nearby personeel, hence no casualties were sustained._

 _USN Vice Admiral Michelle K. Richardson, currently deployed at Fleet Activities Yokosuka, was on record as saying that it was "a goddamn miracle nobody was killed"._

 _Barring that, officials from both the JSDF and USN have refused to comment any further on the matter._

 _This is the All-Nippon News Network_ , _signing out._

* * *

* _SLAM_ *

The sound of metal against metal echoed around for a few moments more.

Thrown into separate cells, the balls glared at each other through small glass windows.

"Aww, _cripes_."

"Is of all your fault, Turk, and you knows it!"

Somehow, their arguments went through reinforced steel doors and multi-layered brick walls.

" _My_ fault!? It is not of my al-idea to jump at me with sword!"

"Fuck yuo Indoya, mohammed prophet _best prophet_."

"Will all of you assholes _SHUT UP!_ "


	5. They've Got Balls

" _Gods_ , why do _I_ have to keep an eye on those things!" Shimakaze moaned. In front of her, Oklahoma was quickly getting a nasty twitch in her right eye. Even for Shipgirl standards, she was already veering well into summary discipline territory. She was getting _that_ annoying.

"Because humans can barely stop them without getting injured in the process. All the other girls in this flotilla _already_ had a go at looking after them, so take on some responsibility for once!" Oklahoma said.

"Also, just _imagine_ all those onions you'll be chopping once Nagato hears about this." Fubuki added.

This one finally got to the hyperactive boat, who froze, looked, and then finally slammed her teeth together.

"Alright…" she sounded. "... _fine_."

Back stiff, she walked up the Shipgirl tender's drop-down ramp, left her ski boots at the front door, and make her way to the Country Spirits's designated quarters.

She could hear no sounds but the sounds of crew and ocean. The walls seem to be in one piece. And the correct colour. She let out a breath. At least they haven't broken out in a full-on fight _yet_.

And what a relief _that_ was (at least, for the moment).

Much like a beautiful honeymoon preceding a marriage full of disappointment and shouting matches, the appearance of the countryballs had appeared to be the ideal outcome, in the desperate gambling game that is the Summoning (despite initial reservations). They were the very _embodiments_ of the Nations themselves. Each seemed to pack more power than even the greatest Carriers and Battleships _combined_. Shipgirl or not. Backed up by heavy CAS or not. Heavy missile support or not.

The experts, politicians and assorted keyboard warriors started to proclaim these Country Spirits the "next revolution" of naval warfare, predicting that (just as mundane ships now mostly serve as support for frontline Shipgirls) the Shipgirls that were the tip of the spear today, would eventually be mere fire support for the sheer juggernauts that were the _Balls_.

In her honest opinion, she just thinks they're salty after the Kanmusu stole all the thunder.

And if the Balls were to be the frontline fighters that humanity needed, we might as well make a coin flip to see whether to nuke ourselves to death instead. As it stands, _they_ have as much chance of destroying humanity as the Abyssals do. And when _they'll_ do it, it'll be from stupidity, not overwhelming force.

Humanity gets wiped either way, but at least the former isn't _completely_ embarrassing when the alien archaeologists finally arrive. That's what Shimakaze thinks.

They were still the darlings of media outlets around the world, though. In fact, there was a minor political outcry that all the balls were still currently residing in Japan.

But they seemed to know each other the best, so the higher-ups didn't really want to try and separate them. The only beings known who could fight on equal footing with a countryball, is another countryball. If a countryball, alone in it's namesake country, decided that they were well and through with taking orders (and why would they, when _they were_ the countries themselves?), only the equivalent of another World War would be enough to dislodge them again. And who has time for _that_?

Since what many people have now termed the "Nuke Incident", Naval officers and Shipgirls alike wake up each day with a shiver, so long as they're aware that _these things_ occupy the same base as them (which in Yokosuka, is practically everyday).

As she entered one of the rooms assigned for the balls, she could hear a conversation in progress.

" - and after that, we'll then claim those islands as part of the _Glorious Empire_!" the United Kingdomball proudly stated, puffing itself up before those last two words.

"Oh, of course you would, you bloody imperialist cunt." Irelandball cut in, with a sneer.

"... Eh, eye wouldn't know, neva' had muchof a Nayvy. I do know about claymores, though." Scotlandball said, hefting a claymore (that anyone but an Olympic weightlifter would have a hard time lifting, and even then, only barely), over it's "shoulder" like a handbag.

"Diese ungainly things? Ein lad, what zo you take the rest of is for, _peasants_ from the 15th century?" Germanyball said, wearing an oil-stained apron and holding a wrench. Right next to him was something that looked like a Tonka-truck-sized Messerschmitt Bf 109.

"Oh hai Shimakazi." Italyball said, turning to her. He was wearing a moustache at the moment.

"It's _Shimakaze_. Shi-ma- _kaze!_ " she enunciated.

"Shime-a-kuzi?"

 _"Aurgh_! Is that even an Italian accent!? I don't even know anymore!" she screamed, throwing her hands in the air.

The other countryballs didn't notice.

"Ey Shimaazay" Australiaball asked, approaching the Shipgirl. "We've been arguin' for hours and 'ours, but haven't came to _yet._ Mind'ya iff ya gave us yer fine opinion?

Basically, it's _this_ , which one's betta', Scotland good ol'-fashioned _claymroe_ , or Germaney's fancy Messers, wit' the _aerodynamics_ an' _engineering_ 'n shit."

She looked at Germanyball's little toy-plane-looking-thing. "That's not cutting edge, what're you talking about."

" _What_!? Are you of ein _insulting_ das _wunderbar Teutonic_ _Ingenieurwesen!?_ "

"No, I'm just tellin' the truth. Those things stopped being produced nearly a century ago."

"... Ah."

Shimakaze placed her hands behind her head.

"Ah _whatever_. I just came here to make sure you dummies weren't killing yourselves. Not that I know you're just arguing about stupid shit, I can get back to my waters. My sweet, sweet, speedy waters…" she said, rapidly walking out of that room.

"... _So_?"

"They were arguing about some stupid shit. Thought a Messerschmitt was "cutting-edge". Got bored and walked out of there." she said, rapidly sailing circles around the Battleship.

"Shim, will you _stop_. You're makin' me dizzy..." Oklahoma asked, rubbing her forehead.

"Oh, _I'm sorry_ , is the great Shimakaze too _Fast_ and too _Furious_ for you? You want me to _slow down_ , relax, small the flowers,? Maybe brew you a cup of tea and bring in some nice English biscuits while we wait for those _jolly old_ Abyssals to arrive, eh?"

* * *

 **Meanwhile, back in Yokosuka…**

"Onee-chan, what's wrong?"

" _Ah_ , nothing, my dear sister. I merely just felt the urge to strangle a destroyer. Most strange, most strange. More sugar?"

* * *

 **Meanwhile, in the bridge of the Shipgirl Tender USS Nigiri...**

They were accompanying a flotilla of Shipgirls, currently patrolling somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, on a route between Japan and Hawaii.

He didn't know exactly where they were right now. He bet the Shipgirls know, at least.

Heh. Shipgirls. Almost surreal, how quickly people got used to them. One moment, naval warfare was the domain of _Hard Men,_ doing _Hard Things_. Nowadays, it still is that (albeit, mostly at the higher ranks), but supplemented with a healthy helping of magical young woman with strange and wondrous warship-related powers, skating on bullshit technology and acting as adorable front-line forces with their handheld 127mm hand-held guns shredding the enemy, while the people actually on boats try hard to avoid getting the attention of those oily black sea monsters that missiles refuse to hit.

If the great Admirals of old had seen what wonders modern naval combat had shit out, they would've drowned themselves immediately.

Meanwhile, while he was sitting pretty on the bridge, he could hear (if he strained) the faint sound of many soft little things arguing with each other, all high-pitched voices and the occasional out-of-nowhere rubber-ducky squeak.

He sighed. He found himself having… _mixed feelings_ , regarding these "Country Balls". On one waterlogged hand, in a war where the price for losing was total extinction, you don't become picky about who fights with you.

On the other hand...

They were _strange_. Most of his buddies would scoff at this, he knew. They'd probably point to all the instances of what many in the service dub "Super Sparkly Shipgirl Bullshit".

But even then, Shipgirls looked (and acted) more-or-less like humans. Well, humans whose skin could bend knives and bleed black oil if they felt like it.

But still, more or less, like humans. And if they bothered, could actually be quite the terrifying presence.

 _Those things_ , on the other hand, looked more like offensive caricatures than anything even remotely dignified. It made him uneasy.

...

A voice on the bridge rose up.

" _Sir!_ Abyssals over the horizon!"

Everyone tensed up like a drawn bowstring, and started looking over their station's screens, shouting orders, or running off to some other place on the ship.

His ears caught hold of all these, and then, just as quickly, dismissed them all (except for what his training deemed important). There was a blank space in the channel of his mind now, reserved for the captain's orders.

" _Deeeeefeense_!"

The Shipgirls rearranged themselves around their tender, with the tender also moving forwards into the formation, so that it's hull could be fully covered from all sides.

All looked around, for the enemy that was supposed to be near.

" _Over there!_ " someone shouted. A force of Abyssals nearly _twice_ the size of the flotilla was dead ahead.

"... _Crap_. We sent out way too few girls on this op." Oklahoma grumbled. She furrowed her brows. Worst comes to worse, they'll have to flee-

And then, everyone heard bagpipes.

Yes, even the crew of the tender, from the people at the bridge, to the engies standing right next to the boilers. Everybody could hear it. Somehow.

From under the ranks of tightly-enclosed Shipgirls, between the legs of one particularly flustered Akatsuki ("Hey!"), came a blue countryball. It skipped over the surface of the water as if hopping on land, as if there was some sort of magical inertia propelling him forward. It was a little smaller than most other balls, but had a lively mood about it.

Playing a jaunty tune on some bagpipes, Scotlandball tossed the instrument away to bring out it's heavy claymore, nearly seven times it's size, towards the first unlucky bastard to catch it's soulless white eyes.

It was a Re-Class. Who looked down, confusedly bemused at the living ball at her feet.

Before being bisected through the middle, her two halves falling apart sideways.

Beside her, a Wo-Class looked like her eyeballs were in danger of dropping into the sea..

Get me _away_ from that _thing_! Get me the _fuck_ away!" the Wo-class screamed, before she was also horribly bisected, this time at the waist.

Seeing their strongest eviscerated in about two seconds by a piece of 15th-century weaponry, the rest of the Abyssals began to panic.

White splashes, as various I-Class and PT Imps and other assorted Abyssal nasties turned on their little rudders, and sailed away.

Other Abyssals tried to surround the claymore-wielding ball, and fired at once. Scotlandball jumped up just before the shells could hit him, the shells exploding under him.

Propelled into the air by the force of the blast, a tall plume of foamy water following his wake, he took the time to cut through an entire squadron of Abyssal Aircraft while it it was in the air, before descending and cutting the heads off of I-Class destroyers and PT Imps.

" _Scotland_ , you spoilsport! Hogging all the glory for yourself, eh? Remember who exactly let you come out on a _fine_ expedition such as this!"

United Kingdomball, riding a miniature replica of the HMS Victory, sailed out between two standing Battleships.

Overhead, the roar of a Messerschmitt. Lowering his flight path slightly, Germanyball took out several fighter aircraft, and whole score of destroyers, before looping back around.

Blinking, as if being woken up from a heady dream, Oklahoma shook her head. She turned to the other girls.

"Well?" she shouted. "Are we just gonna stand here like a bunch of balloons!? C'mon, _fire, FIRE!_ "

The Shipgirls shook out of their daze. The Destroyers begin targeting the aircraft coming near their charge, while the Carriers scrambled their crews and started lowering their elevators.

Squadrons of fairy-fighters entered the sky, and started blowing all intruding aircraft from their protectorate skies.

*BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM*

*BAM* *BAM* *BAM*

"Fire!"

Even the human crew of the accompanying destroyer couldn't resist. Though missiles had great trouble tracking the main Abyssal naval units, when the bastards' right in the whites of your eyes, a few manually-guided warheads can still put a great big gash on the sides of these monsters, expense or practicality be damned.

And then...

For a moment, all is silence.

"... Do I hear… music?" said one of the destroyer girls. Nobody could remember who afterwards.

UKball opened it's eyes. "Now, it shall begin."

Suddenly, orchestral music. Then, lyrics began pouring in.

 _God Save the Queen!_

 _God save our gracious Queen!_

 _Long live our noble Queen!_

 _Send her victorious,  
Happy and glorious,  
Long to reign over us:  
God save the Queen!_

 _O Lord our God arise,_  
 _Scatter her enemies,_  
 _And make them fall:_  
 _Confound their politics,_  
 _Frustrate their knavish tricks,_  
 _On Thee our hopes we fix:_  
 _God save us all._

 _Thy choicest gifts in store,_  
 _On her be pleased to pour;_  
 _Long may she reign:_  
 _May she defend our laws,_  
 _And ever give us cause,_  
 _To sing with heart and voice,_  
 _God save the Queen!_

The song appeared from nowhere, stayed everywhere, and disappeared into nowhere. It simply _was_ , and it's presence heralded the feat that was to come:

Releasing the pure essence of _The Royal Navy_ into this frail, yet ever-changing world, free from mortal constraints.

These days, the Royal Navy is but a shadow of it's former self. Mention of it's name no longer brings fear or anger across the people of the world. It is unable to project power across the oceans as casually as it could in days long past.

However, in this moment, all these things cease to matter, and fall away. At least for a moment.

There was no elaborate flash of light, no showy pyrotechnics or loud explosions. One moment, the sea was as it always was, hostile and beautiful. In the next, the sea around them was filled with hundreds to ships. Full-bodied hulls of steel and iron that cut through the sea in search of the enemy they were built to slay, the enemy that would dare siege their homeland and threaten their citizens.

All around them were _ships_. Heavy ironclads, graceful wooden sails, proud and massive dreadnoughts.

Everywhere, they were surrounded by ships. Big ships, small ships, ships, ships, _ships_.

Their thousand turrets thrummed around their metal joints, their platforms on deck, tracking down the enemy.

Ethereal gunnery crews radioed phantasmal bridge captains. The captains of each vessel approved the planned offensive action.

" _FIRE!_ "

* _BAM!_ * * _BAM!_ * * _BAM!_ *

Every ship aimed, and fired, all at once.

The Abyssals, those who were left, stared at the incoming barrage. Just stared. To their left, right, forward and back, they realised that the incoming shells would fall for hundreds of kilometres in all eight directions, and the innumerable degrees between them.

They were screwed.

"… Oh shi-"

* _BOOM!_ *

* _BOOM!_ *

* _BOOM!_ *

The rain of shells hit the water with a series of mighty splashes. So massive were these plumes of water, that observers could only see the beginning of their bodies being torn apart by falling shells, and it's aftermath, with the Abyssal flotilla now a floating puddle of black blood and debris, on the ocean surface.

. . .

As soon as it began, a great white fog began to fall all around them, hiding every last one of the resurrected RN ships from sight, before it lifts, revealing empty waters.

". . ."

". . ."

". . ."

"H- _Holy fuck_ -poi! U.K.-san just released his Noble Phantasm-poi!"


	6. New Developments, New Threats

**Author's note:**

Hello readers, apologies for taking so long on this chappy. The contents of this chapter were originally just _one-half_ of an intended chapter. I just decided to cut it in half because of the insane size it ballooned into. To paraphrase Tolkien, "the tale just grew in the telling".

* * *

"You mean to say say our forces just got _what_!?"

An shout echoed throughout the obsidian cave, which looked like the dark interior of a whale's mouth.

This was Abyssal territory, far beyond what any Shipgirl or Human had ever gone before.

"Utterly destroyed, Ma'am. With a casualty rate of 99% percent, less than a dozen ships survived in total." the messenger replied, a Ta-Class wearing a pair of reading glasses and holding a binder under her arm.

"How could this _possibly_ happen?" the Princess of the East, Abyssal Ruler of the Pacific, said, slamming her fist down onto her chair's crystal armrest. "Even our most _devastating_ losses had at least a fourth surviving, even if only by a bare thread… "

"That's not all, ma'am. Our forces were defeated within the span of half-an-hour. The last report we got, our units had surrounded a small patrol flotilla made up of mostly destroyers, with only a single carrier and a battleship on the Shipgirl side, providing support. We outnumbered them two-to-one."

"... Do they have some kind of new weapon? Something we haven't seen before?"

"... Princess, I've seen the brain-box footage. It seems that what we are currently dealing with are… _balls_."

"Balls?"

"Balls."

"Like, you know, _Ball-shaped_ balls?"

"Yes, spherical, ball-shaped Balls. That have eyes. And talk. and have the flags of various countries on their surfaces."

"... Show me the footage, then. Also, show in those so-called _survivors_. I ought to give them a tongue-lashing."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Like the legend of the Fisher King, it was said that the realm each Abyssal Princess rules over is, to some extent, an extension of her personality. Proud ones built their abodes high and sharp; while those of a more reserved and calculating nature built their caves deep underground, hidden in the most innocuous-looking of sea caves and coral reefs.

It was also said that the Princess's moods changed the climate of these places. A happy Abyssal Princess is something the underlings would look forward too, as that meant a pleasantly cool breeze and calm currents. But an _enraged_ Princess would bring with her icy or flaming wind, and crushing currents. And the worst ones would immolate the entire place in impossible underwater fire for a _really_ bad screw-up.

When the human population started these rumours (which eventually spread to the military, and then the Shipgirl Corps themselves), it was an absolutely false and made-up urban legend. But once the Abyssals got wind of it via their many intelligence channels, they decided the concept idea was so badass that that most of them decided to modify their bases such that their soldiers can _feel_ it, if they were pissed off, or as proud as a peacock crowned king of netherworld.

Hey, even Abyssals can be chuuni too, you know?

In this case, it was causing a deathly piercing wind to blow through this dark and enclosed cave, stabbing into the surviving flotilla's skin like a thousand little pieces of ice shrapnel.

 _Absolutely disgusting._ You outnumbered them 2-to-1, and you still had the _gall_ to get slaughtered!?" she yelled.

"W-We apologise, Princess, but they were just too strong-"

" _LIES._ I _specifically_ bred you all to be the _absolute peak_ of Abyssal perfection. It is the _primary reason_ why we haven't been defeated yet, while the others weak enough that the traitors were able to take over and destroy them. We are _feared_ throughout the Shipgirl network worldwide! _Now_ , I won't be surprised if we end up as the _laughingstock_ of the other Fleets!"

"P-Princess, at least let us tell it from our perspective-"

" _Enough!_ What can _you_ possibly add that hasn't already been shown to me by your weak comrades' last moments!? I won't be so lenient anymore. From now on, I decree!" she shouted, pointing her finger up in the air. "That any survivors of a defeated force of mine shall be _executed_ forthwith!"

She lowered her pointer finger until it faced the survivors. At the same time, her cannons adjusted themselves in the direction of her pointing.

"P-Princess, you aren't serious…"

"Oh, I'm not fucking around, weakling, I-"

" _My, my_ … Let's not have them go to waste, shall we?" a new, entirely unrecognisable voice echoed through the chamber.

The Princess immediately swiveled her turrets to face this new intruder.

" _Who are you_ , and how the _hell_ did you get in here!?" she demanded.

Out of the other end of of the room, stepped in a heavy-cruiser Ri-Class.

But this one didn't just look like any Ri-Class, for it seemed that this had a sense of _fashion_. Strange among Abyssal-kind. She wore a purple ribbon around her waist like an obi without a kimono, and one on her head, tying her raven hair back. Conventional Abyssal clothing was switched out for something looking more human-looking as well, with a pleasant (shudder) yellow sundress in place of the racy ensemble favoured by most Abyssals.

"Ah, allow me to introduce myself. I am called a great many names, but you can call me the _Merry Black Hole_. And I have the solution to _all_ of your problems!"

The Princess merely narrowed her eyes. "So, you overheard our little discussion. What makes you think I won't _annihilate_ you where you stand for the impudence of breaking and entering!?"

The new girl seemed barely threatened. "Oh _tut tut tut_..." she said, waving one dainty finger at her. "It's because you _can't_ destroy me where I stand, you see?"

* _BOOM_ *

Let it not be said that the Eastern Princess was all bluster. She fired all of her cannons at once, at the strange Abyssal.

She smiled, and continued smiling as the shells fell towards her face. At a certain point, she raised a hand, and all the shells came careening into a _miniature black hole_ that had suddenly appeared in the middle of the chamber.

The Eastern Princess quickly stood from her throne.

"... _Hmm_ , that wasn't such a good demonstration of my abilities, wasn't it?" the intruder said. She waved a finger in the air, and the black hole narrowed itself and closed up like a zipper.

"Normally, I like to _demonstrate_ my skills to clients before they hire me. It lets them have a better idea of what to expect from _moi_." she continued, checking out her nails.

" _Buuut_ , if you _really_ don't want me here..."

"... What do you have in mind?" the Princess asked.

The ribboned Cruiser looked over in the direction of the flotilla, and _grinned_. Despite outnumbering her, the survivors couldn't help but feel unnerved.

The Cruiser turned to the Princess of the East. "Are your minions… _disposable_?" she asked.

The Princess mulled it over.

"Well, I _was_ about to scrap them and replace them with never models." At this statement, the survivors all squealed in alarm.

At that moment, the strange Cruiser pulled out two turrets from behind her, and pointed them at the flotilla. Even with two of them, they weren't much. Just a pair of holders holding an utterly normal and unexceptional pair of eight-inch gun mounts, the usual for her kind.

And then she fired.

The shells were just like any other shells fired at them by the Traitors. They fell at the same arc, and at the same speed. Such that the survivor's instincts began to trigger, and they quickly moved out of the way.

And then she said: "Nope."

Despite their maneuvers, the shells hit them lethally. Every single shell hit a vital part of each, whether it be the tower, the elevator, or the engine itself. The ones who were hit in the engines burst into flames. Some exploded, taking out the others in their vicinity. They were the lucky ones.

The rest died slowly, groaning on the floor. Denied even the honour of sinking into the sea, like proper ships of war.

 _It didn't make sense_ , they all thought as they died. _Nothing made sense_. She was just some lowly _Cruiser_. How could she kill Re-Classes and Ta-Classes so efficiently, so _easily_?

But… the Princess _did_ remember some gossip she had heard, over the network. Something about certain newly-born Abyssals having developed strange abilities beyond the Abyssal norm, speculatively to be in response to the growing number of overpowered pop-culture Shipgirls being summoned. And them breaking away from the vast majority of Abyssal society, due to their _minds_ also being deviant from the standard hate-filled and destruction-loving Abyssal-kind.

The Princess let this thought stew in her mind for a few seconds, before snapping her fingers.

Ah, I see now!" she said. "Are you one of those Abyssals-for-hire that I've heard so much about?"

"Indeed, ma'am!" Merry replied, holding up her hand in greeting. " _Black Hole_ here, at your service!"

…

"... To tell the unvarnished truth, I believe your type are lowly creatures." the Princess said, and she glared at her from across the room.

"Lowly, _disgusting_ creatures, who betray the ultimate and valuable cause of the Abyssal Fleet, merely to satisfy your own personal vices! What a _disgrace_. Are you even properly an Abyssal?"

...

" _Sooo_... do you want my help or not?" Merry asked her.

The Princess of the East turned her nose up.

"Be that as it may, I guess I have no other choice than to hire outside help." She lowered her nose at look at Merry B.H. straight on again. "Therefore, I have decided to hire you. Do _not_ disappoint me."

"Ah, I am _glad_ we have finally come to an understanding..." she replied, sweeping her arms and bowing in the European style.

In her mind, though, Merry was _furious_.

* * *

 **MEANWHILE...**

A groggy USN Oklahoma was stumbling her way through the halls of the Administrative Building, trying her damndest not to crash through the walls like Jun'you did last week.

She was the type who needed her morning coffee to function, but that apparently wasn't known to command, since an ensign approached her early, and said she had to go see the flagship, _ASAP_.

She asked the sailor if she _really_ needed to do this before breakfast.

He said that was _specifically_ ordered by the Flagship. He also asked Oklahoma to please not kill him, he has a sister.

So, instead, Oklahoma spent the entire time trudging up the stairs focusing all of her ill will towards that heartless Jap Flagship denies innocent babes their much-needed morning caffeine, Flagship Naggy-chan.

She opened the door to the office.

"Ya called for me, Flagship?" Oklahoma said, after the customary bow.

"I have..." Nagato said, slowly and deliberately setting down her teacup with an audible * _clink_ *. She then folded up her newspaper. In a very specific way, such that the article she was in the middle of reading would show up in front.

"I wish to talk to you about many things, Captain Oklahoma. Both about your performance in command, as well as your personal performance. But this time, I want to talk to you about a _certain incident_ that caught my eye this morning."

She tossed her the newspaper.

Oklahoma caught it, and her eyes caught the front page.

 **HMS VICTORY WITNESSED SAILING OUT OF PORT BY ITSELF, AUTHORITIES ARE DUMBFOUNDED**

Oklahoma's mouth opened, and closed, then opened again.

"It had something to do with the Kuni-Kani, didn't it?" Nagato asked. As a command professional with many years of working with both human and Shipgirl subordinates, she was right on the money

"Would it make ya feel better if we said we didn't order any of them to do that, they kind of just _decided_ on that on their own?" Oklahoma asked, scratching the back of her head.

Nagato narrowed her eyes.

" _Hey, hey_ , if ya want someone to blame, don't blame me! Those balls were always pretty out-of-control, you know that!" Oklahoma said, her hands in the air.

"As loathe as I am to admit it, you _do_ have a point."

Oklahoma sighed.

" _But_ , Shipgirls have been known to successfully overpower at least a few of those things. More importantly, why did you not even _try_ to assert your authority over them? From what I've heard, the _whole flotilla_ froze up in apparent disbelief, before you all ordered to open fire."

"I, well… No excuses there…" she said, now finding the lush red carpet to be _far_ more interesting.

"I am glad you are willing to take responsibility. You have at least _that_ going for you, in this base." she said, her pupils looking slightly to one side.

"Such behaviour is _incredibly unbecoming_ for protectors of humanity. But I know you already know that. You, a USN officer, simply went along _went along_ with their hare-brained full-frontal attack on the enemy forces, instead of ordering them to regroup immediately and stay within formation."

?*

Oklahoma looked her in the eye.

"Well... the whole enemy was wiped out wasn't it? And all _without_ a _single casualty_. Not even a scratch on _anyone_. So you could say that these balls don't _need_ a tighter leash. In fact, I'll hazard a guess that putting these balls under the same disciplinary standards as us will only _decrease_ their fighting effectiveness"

 _Oklahoma, what are ya doin'!?_ " her own subconscious screamed at her like the partner of an out-of-control copper that bursts into mobster's dens, guns flashing like Christmas lights.

 _This is stupid._ her mind thought, and within the next second she had already made up her mind.

"Is that an _official statement,_ Officer Oklahoma?" Nagato said.

" _Yes, Ma'am_. I believe these lil' balls ain't as bad as everyone thinks. It just requires the right amount of encouragement and more knowledge about them before we can really keep them out of trouble." she said, slamming a fist on to her open palm.

"Is. _That_. So..." the Flagship of this Shipgirl Fleet sounded out, each word like a stalactite that falls and just narrowly misses you, while treacherously climbing though an Arctic cave.

It was then, that Oklahoma knew she'd fucked up.

" _Very well,_ then!" Nagato said, way too cheerily. "In that case, I'm handing over _complete_ control and responsibility for the care and training of the _Kuni kami_."

"E-Excuse me, ma'am? We barely know the _first thing_ about these things! How the hell in the world do you expect me to know how to manage them, let alone _train_ them?"

Nagato's expression went from cheery to extremely grim.

" _Captain_ Oklahoma, are you deliberately going against _direct orders_ from a superior?"

She gulped. "Uh, I-"

"Besides…" the flagship said, retracting her grim expression slightly. "No great discovery has been made without _some_ sort of experimentation. And didn't you say that these Spirits are ' _not as bad as everyone thinks_ '. Are you trying to retract your claim, Oklahoma-dan, and admit that you were talking out of the same opening that you defecate out of?"

Oklahoma could hardly find the words to respond. She sighed.

"It's alright, Ma'am, I accept my new assignment. Was merely surprised, is all. When does this assignment start?"

" _Right now_. You'd best hurry, I hear they get _extra_ restless around this time." the Flagship said, with a corner of her mouth subtly turning up. Which Oklahoma could see.

 _She's enjoying this. She's really friggin' enjoying this! Flagship Nagato! Enjoying my suffering!_

"You are dismissed."

"Yes ma'am."

And as Oklahoma closed the door behind her, she added: "Fuckin' weirdo Japs."

"I _heard that_ , Captain!"

She started to run.

. . .

A few seconds later, Mutsu (who'd been silently watching this whole time) spoke.

" _Onee-chan_ , don't you think you're being too mean to Oklahoma-san?"

Nagato sat silently for a minute or so, as if carefully considering a proper and dignified justification for her behaviour earlier, before deciding to throw it out the window.

"Not at all. Americans need to tossed around every now and then, just to remind them that they _don't_ rule the world."

"Ah, I see, I see..." Mutsu said. "Well, try not to overdo it, sis, they _are_ still our allies, you know."

"And one of them is your fiancee." Nagato replied. "I understand, I understand."


	7. School Balls

Japanese media had officially dubbed them the Kuni _Kami_. Literally: "Country Spirits", just as the _Kanmusu_ are ship spirits.

Elsewhere, they were dubbed "Flagballs", or "Countryballs".

Reactions varied.

Quite a number of people were bemoaning the fact that they haven't returned at cute girls.

Other people were wary, concerned that the very presence of these "Countryballs" might cause a political conflagration, the likes of which were _sorely_ not needed in this time of international crisis. Others retorted that the antics of the Shipgirls have been around for far longer, and nobody has started declaring war on each other yet.

Yet others see them as spectres of general historical unpleasantness come to life.

Indeed, a few Nationalist Organisations active at the time (including the _Yes, China!_ youth group) accused the JSDF of being Neo-imperialist, for "hoarding" the Countryballs of various different countries under it's command.

Japanese Nationalist groups (such as the _Nihon Seinensha_ , translated: The "Japan Youth society") defended the JSDF by stating that Japan was most at threat from the Abyssals, thus necessitating this consolidation.

Rarely did anyone state that their current residence, Yokosuka Naval Base, was primarily governed by the United States Navy.

The controversy did not stop. Arguments, and incidents of online attacks and harassment continued until the end of the war.

 _-Aozachi, Aoba (2035) "Last Days of the Abyss"_

* * *

 **Morning at the Naval Base**

A loud and desperate scream echoed throughout the base's mess hall that day, rattling the bones of everyone there.

" _NOOOOOOOOooooooo…_ !"

"Huh, it's coming from where they keep those Flag Balls..." Shimakaze noted, looking up from her cereal.. ". . . Ah, whatever. It has nothing to do with meee…"

* * *

After her eye-catching demonstration, the Merry Black Hole had thereafter played the part of a subservient hiree. A drastic change, but to Merry? Twas the usual. And it would've ended with that, had that _anal cunt_ of a Princess not insulted her so flagrantly.

Inside, she was furious.

 _So,_ insult _me, will ya? Call me_ scum _, eh? Well, let's see whos on their high horse now, when things quite don't go according to plan._

As a contractor that had a reputation to maintain, she still had to do her job as requested with the utmost efficiency.

But the agreement didn't _exactly_ mention _killing_ anybody in particular. Only that she (quote) "find out the true extent of these terrifying new weapons, then _eliminate_ them."

So, _sure_ , she'll _eliminate_ them... for a while.

And then… the Princess will be _crushed_. And she'll never know who did it.

Laughing to himself, she heard the shouts of various patrolling guards in the area.

" _Oops_." she said, before slipping off into the night silently.

Soon. Very soon. She didn't need to hurry.

It was a beautiful Monday morning. People may be too weary of the upcoming week to see it, but it really was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the clouds were few and perfectly picturesque, and _look_ , there's a whole flock of birds flying in perfect V-shaped formation! Never saw anything like that before, huh?

The Akatsuki sisters were walking to school.

When the war began, with humanity facing a literally apocalyptic danger, Natural-Born destroyers and other young-uns were initially drafted to fight the Abyss full-time. But as the war wore on and it was clear that they were going to be in it for the long haul, it was decided by most countries around the world to resume schooling for those who were Natural-Borns. That, or risk an influx of long-lived, super-powerful women without any credible job skills other than fighting.

Even Summoned Shipgirls could get an education, if permission was granted by their Admirals

Otherwise, the Akatsuki sisters were four perfectly ordinary Japanese schoolgirls.

Ami (Inazuma), Hibiki, and Akatsuki, were waiting just outside the navel base for the last of their number, Aki (Ikazuchi). She was taking an _abnormally_ long time getting prepared.

"Gee, what is little sis _doing_ right now?" Ami fretted.

"Maybe she has realised the error of her unladylike ways, and has decided to spend more than a cursory effort to look nearly as _fabulous_ as me!" Akatsuki said, swishing her hair to-and-fro like she was in a shampoo commercial for pedos.

It was then that Aki approached. She was lugging along, in addition to her regular backpack, a duffel bag large enough to barely fit herself inside.

"Hey, Aki, what's that you got there?"

"Oh, it's umm… for the football club." she nervously said, scratching the back of her head. "They asked me to… _re-pump_ all these balls with air, yeah! Since the air blower thingy at school was broken and all. So-"

"Really? Why didn't you ask for help then?" Ami asked. "That task would've gone by more quickly if you had us help."

"Yes!" Akatsuki said, with a nod. "And Hibiki here is a _total expert_ at blowing up inflatable stuff! You remember the last Base festival, don't you?"

"Um, _yeaaah_ , that's right..." Aki said, her eyes slowly going to one side.

" _You know guys_ , I have something going on at school so I have to go ahead seeyoula-"

*RUFFLE RUFFLE, RUFFLE RUFFLR*

*POP!*

The duffel bag Aki was holding bulged here and there for a moment, and then the zipper come undone.

*POP!*

It was PolandBall.

"... hallo."

. . .

"... Polen need fresh air to be polen."

. . .

After a few seconds, Ami finally exploded.

"A- _Aki!_ What are you doing! A-A-Are you trying to… _sneak_ them out of the base!?"

"So what if I am!?" Aki snapped at her twin.

We could get into some big, _big_ trouble if the adults find we've been sneaking them outside the base. Like, _expelled from school_ level trouble! _Nobody's_ supposed to see the Kuni-Kami personally, Aki!"

"And why the hell not?" she shot back. "It's not like they're any secret or something. They were _all over_ the news! And we let even weirder Shipgirls walk around towns by themselves."

"Yes, but they were Shipgirls."

"So?"

Ami opened her mouth, then closed it.

" _Besides_ , it won't be showing it to a whole lot of people. Just a few of our classmates. You know how Harry and Jane will _melt_ if they get to touch one of these."

"I…" Inazuma closed her mouth. Or to be more accurate, covered it.

" _Hieee… ?_ Did little Inazuma Ami just imagine Hari-kun being all amazed and cheery and stuff? Hey, hey, Ami-chan, don't kid yourself: You know you like it." Aki said to her.

"Aki, it's not very ladylike to tease your own sister." Akatsuki said, with crossed arms.

"Well, it's a good thing I'm not _trying_ to be ladylike, amirite? Anyway, we've stood around way too long..." Aki said, looking at her phone. "If we all don't hurry, we're gonna be late for school!" she said, dashing right off.

"Huh? _Hey, wait,_ we haven't even agreed to you bringing the countryballs to school yet. How many of them did you bring along anyway!? _Hey!_ Come back here!"

" _Ha_! I summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon, you're dead!" the girl said.

The boy casually put down another card, this time with a bolt of lighting printed on it.

" _Nooooooooo_ … !"

The boy had messy black hair, while the girl had russet, ahoge-prone hair. Two _gaijin_ children in a sea of Japanese elementary school children.

The boy's name was Harry, and the girl's was Calamity Jane. The "Calamity" part was self-chosen. Harry was Flagship Nagato's adopted son. She found him being abused horribly by his relatives while in a chance encounter in Surrey, England. Jane was the daughter of an American expat, married to a Japanese woman.

These children were important, because they also happened to be friends of the Akatsuki sisters. Who, as you might see from earlier, were currently up to _shenanigans_.

 _Hey guys_ , there's something _really cool_ I'm waitin' to show ya'..." Aki said, appearing behind the Harry and Jane, and putting her hands on their shoulders.

" _Holy shit_ Aki, you nearly fucking _killed_ me with fright!" Jane said, holding her shoulder like a piece of dry ice had landed on her bare skin.

"C'mon girl, there's no need for an overreaction." Aki said.

"All right, all right, sorry… But you know how jumpy I can be!" Jane retorted.

"So what're _they_?" asked Harry, looking over the duffel bag curiously. From time to time, _something_ inside would be jostling and stretching the fabric of the bag, earning Aki a few curious looks.

"Only a bunch of cool balls that the military has always kept it's eye on… _until now_!" she said, putting the duffel bag on her lap and embracing it to hide it from wandering eyes.

Slowly undoing the zipper, Aki held out a hand over the bag's opening, and caught a ball that appeared to try _jumping_ out of the bag.

"Kurwa."

Turning the bag slightly and removing her hand, Aki revealed to Harry and Jane what that swearing ball actually was. It's top half was red, it's bottom half was white, and it had featureless white eyes that were surprisingly expressive nonetheless.

"... cześć."

"... I still don't get it. What're those things, and why are they so special?" Harry said, his brows furrowed in thought.

Jane gasped. "You mean _you don't know_ about the _Countryballs_? The world's newest _supernatural sensation_ since the Shipgirls!?" she said, both hands on her cheeks, which were puffed out like a squirrel.

"Eh, I don't really follow the news much…" he shrugged. "Mommy says not to have the having the TV and computer on all day, as it uses up electricity. So I don't use them at all except when schoolwork needs it, since I don't want to be a burden on her."

The others just stared at him.

They sat closely in a circle, surrounding the Balls on all sides to block any prying eyes.

"That is _so coool..._ " Jane cooed, poking PolandBall in the cheek.

"N-No, poking is not of cool..." it complained, as Jane's finger squished it like a soft toy.

"Oh, but you _are_..." she giggled.

"... You know, for a supposed tomboy, you sure do giggle a lot." Harry commented.

"Oh, shut up!"

"You know, how did you even manage to sneak these guys out of the base?" Harry asked. "You say they're supposed to be highly valuable and protected weapons against the Abyssals? Kinda hard to believe they'd just let them out like a sailor on leave..."

"Well, they allow people like Kongou to go on leave, so I don't see why not these cute lil' fellows." Jane said, now moving on to squishing FranceBall, who was far less annoyed then PolandBall.

" _Honhonhon_ , I am of being touched by a beau magnifique madammoiselle!" it preened. Jane blushed deeply.

"Umm..."

Aki was being glared at by Ami, who had a look on her face that not many people knew she was even capable of. Slowly, she turned to Jane and Harry

"They weren't allowed out of the base in the first place. Aki _snuck_ them out."

" _Whoa_ , really!?" Jane exclaimed, more impressed than mortified at Aki's blatant breaking of military regulation.

"Yeah..." Aki slowly admitted.

"How the hell did ya pull _that_ off, I'd like to know. I once saw a documentary about it once, where they showed how the _Kuni Kami_ are stored in _highly-secure_ top-secret bunkers-"

" _Pfft_ \- hahahahahahahah!"

Aki laughed so hard, her chair tipped over backwards.

"S-Sis! Are you alright?" Akatsuki asked.

" _Totes_ fine, sis." Aki said, standing up. "But seriously though, top-secret bunkers? High security? They let us destroyers play with the guys every lunchtime at the mess hall!"

"... And plenty of other times as well, admittedly." Hibiki added.

"Not to mention, but people like Aoba and Kiyoshimo keep breaking into the so regularly, sailors there have set their watches to the shouting when the base MPs find them holed up in there. Aoba's been aiming to do a public expose on the Countryballs due to all the secrecy the Admirals were pulling around these guys. Kiyoshimo… Kiyoshimo somehow got it into her head that making them into dumplings and eating them would transform her into a battleship or something. _Fuck_ , don't look at me like that, I don't know how her mind works..." Aki said.

"Still though… be careful." Harry told Aki.

And then, the class doorknob turned.

" _Ah!_ The teacher's coming!"

" _Hey,_ hide, _hide_."

Aki quickly swept all the balls off her table with her arm, earning her many " _Heys!_ " and a few stronger words that would give Tenryuu a heart attack if she knew that her children knew them. They fell into Aki's duffel, perched and wide-open beside her table. Once all were inside, she quickly zipped it shut.

She then took out a roll of duct tape, and wrapped it around the duffel.

* * *

 **A FEW HOURS LATER**

And so, Math, Geography, Physics, and some some more Math passed them by. Same old, same old.

And not once did her Aki's bag stir. She felt almost smug at how well the balls behaved. Ami was _overreacting_ , after all They wouldn't go out-of-control and cause trouble. They're too _cute_ and _badass_ to do that.

She forgot that the Taffy 3 were both of these as well.

Meanwhile, the countryballs were _bored_.

As it turned out, keeping a bunch of hyperactive spirit-beings, some with long-standing animosity against each other, within a confined space… doesn't work.

To their credit, they _did_ listen to Aki's little speech just before she snuck them along, so they knew how badly the humans would react when they found out they were out-of-the-base.

 _Buuut…_

They were still bored. Bored, and restless. The Countryballs's average size was the midpoint between a tennis ball, and a football (not the weird American version). That means you can pack a whole lot of countryballs inside a decently-sized duffel bag, if nothing else was inside.

. . .

That doesn't mean they were comfortable, though.

 _Hey_ , you are of bump into me, cyka! Apologiz!

 _Waht!?_ I believe it is _you_ who try and do it to _moi_. Yuo should be the one apologiding to me!

 _Scheisse_! All of yuo, keep ict down, ors we will all be of cought!" Germanyball said.

"Oh _screw yuo_ , no fun Germoney!"

" _Ya!_ You are of alwayts going around, asking us to pay denbts when we are is in _wartime_! You are of so _inconsiderate_ for such an ordnung orderly ball!"

"Yeah, stop being such a spoilsport, Germany"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"What _ishc_ all that have to do with this situateon ? We are of danger of being found out and getting the yong sisters into trouble & yuo are all of bringing up old grievances!"

"Screw yuo, me don't like bein'squished in bagg."

"Well then, _maybe_ you shouldn't have agreed to come along, ya nitwit."

Finally, a lightbulb painfully shot out of the top of Polandball, and lit up.

"& why are of you asking us to keepe quiet, Germany? Aren't yuo always wantings all of us to follow the rules? For _ordnung?_ Then why you even come along in the bagge, ifz it is _against the rules?_ "

…

. . .

A small rumble was heard.

". . . Germoney?"

[ERROR ERROR CANNOT COMPUTE FATAL SYSTEM ERROR]

[SUDDEN UNEXPECTED ORDNUNG DEVIATION FOUND!]

[FATAL ERROR! MASS HYPOCRISY! SENSE AREAS OF MIND RAPIDLY SHUTTING DOWN.]

. . .

Russiaball sighed.

" _Okay_ , that is of _it_! I is f had _enough_ of being in dis _stupid motherfucking bag, in this_ stupid _motherfucking_ school! I is of _tired_ of it all!. I is of breaking out, who is of with me!"

"Oh, I, I do, Rosja!"

"Oh fuck yuo Belarus, awais kissing up to to Rossyia's thick, smelly ass."

"Well, _fuck yuo too!_ "

*SQUUEEZZZZEE*

"H-Hey, guys, stop! we've barely enough space inside here as it is! Any more, and yer gonna burs-"

"BLARGEBLIGERIWEHZIHUICIHIOEFCENHE"

* **KABOOM**!*

* * *

 **AFTER THE LESSON...**

" _Whew_ , glad nothing blew up..." Ikazuchi said, wiping sweat off her brow, entirely unaware of how she was tempting fate. She reached over to her school bag, tore off the tape, and opened it.

"Hey guys, are you alri-"

* **KABOOM**!*

The countryballs _exploded_ out of her bag like grape-shot from Blackbeard's cannon. The countryballs slammed into the ceiling, and then bounced around the room.

" _Ooooh._ "

" _Look!_ "

"Oh _shit_ , everyone's seen them already!" Aki shouted. She spotted a classmate at the other end of the room, trying to take phone footage of the bouncing balls. She ran over in a second, and slammed his phone-hand into the tabletop.

The balls bounced around the room a dozen more times, before exiting the classroom through varying means. Some of them went out the doors. Others went crashing out of the windows like hooligans.

"Aki-chan! _Language!_ " Ami said, running up to her.

"Ikazuchi, don't you know it's _very_ unladylike to swear?" Akatsuki added, sliding in right behind her.

"Do you think I really give a fuck!? We have'tha catch 'em all before the Admiral completely busts our asses! And even worse, _Mommy Tenryuu_!"

All four sisters _gasped_.

Mommy Tenryuu is an excellent mother, and one that her daughters (Natural-born and not) would gladly give up the world for. And vice-versa.

That still doesn't make her any less bloody scary when she's mad. Usually when the sisters fuck up somehow. Like, when Aki got into a fistfight at school over Pokemon. Or when Hibiki tried to sneak 3 whole bottles of vodka into the house while mom's away on an expedition. Or Akatsuki fibbing about her grades.

 _That's_ when _The Beast_ really comes out. Not even Abyssals have seen this side of her, and she was _killing_ them!

Hibiki mechanically spread her legs out, and started doing leg pumps. Internally she told her fairy crew, hardened and seasoned by cold Russian winter, and hellishly hot Pacific, to put her engines into _**Full Overdrive. No Compromises.**_

Every single fairy in her saluted simultaneously.

Grabbing Ami and Jane, she then took a running jump of the window.

"Hibiki, hey what are you doin-A _AAAAAAAAHH_!"

The rest of them looked out the window, and then looked at each other.

* _CRAAASSH_!*

"What the- _hey_ , what the hell are you, what are you- _AAAAAH!_ "

"... Hey, that came from the Science Lab!" Harry said.

"And _that_ sounds like Mr. Moricha, mad and bad as always…" Aki daid, narrowing her eyes.

"Oh c'mon, Aki, he's not _that_ bad." Harry stated. "He's a good teacher!"

"And _you'd_ say that, Mr. _Honour Student Gaijin_." Aki said.

" _Police_! There's some crazy ball with a gun holed up in the Science Lab!" shouted another voice.

At this point, Akatsuki grabbed Aki by the ear, and pulled her out of the classroom, and in the direction of the Science Lab.

" _Owowow_ , what the hell was that for, Akatsuki?" Aki demanded, rubbing her ear.

"Well, _you_ were the one who started this whole mess, so you'll have to help with getting them all back into that bag again." the purplette explained, pointing at the duffel bag that Aki had inadvertently dragged with her when she was pulled out.

Aki opened her mouth. She looked into Akatsuki's eyes, then snapped her mouth shut.

"Y'know, I guess you _are_ right." she conceded, sweat dripping down the side of her face. "I guess I really do need to take responsibility."

Akatsuki nodded, and smiled.

"Though why is _he_ here, though?" Aki demanded, pointing a thumb over her shoulder at Harry.

"Well, I didn't _ask_ him to come along." said Akatsuki.

"Well, actually…" he rubbed the back of his head nervously. "I was hoping I could _help_ , somehow?"

" _Help_?" Aki said, as much to him as it was to herself, as if it were a foreign concept that needed some extra swishing around the mouth before she decided if she liked it or not. "This is a _Countryball_ we're talking about here. They're not something normal humans can contend with fairly. If you tried to tangle with one, they're turn you into freshly-grilled human steak!"

"But still… if there's _anything_ I can do to help…"

He was clearly not backing down, Aki could see. She didn't quite know what drove him, and frankly, that didn't matter right now.

She sighed. "Alright, just follow right behind us and listen to everything we say. _Got it_?"

He nodded.

* * *

 **A FEW SECONDS LATER…**

The three of them, two Shipgirls and one boy, were crouching beneath the Science Lab's window.

"Alright, so how on earth do we do this?" asked Aki. "Run in and fill that bastard with holes?"

"Aki, there are _hostages_ inside." Akatsuki hissed.

"Ah, right. That. Sorry." Aki sighed. "Who the hell takes over the Science Lab, honestly? I mean, it's basically the most boring-ass place in this already boring-ass school."

Akatsuki risked peeking through the window above them, then immediately ducked back down.

"A red countryball with something like three domey things squashed together into one thing at the centre!" she said.

Chancing a look herself, Aki ducked back down when the countryball inside was about to look in her direction.

" _Democratic Kampuchea_. So that must be Cambodia, with a serious case of the reds." she explained to the other two of them.

Aki then put a hand to her chin, as an idea popped into her mind.

" _Hey_ , Harry. You said you wanted to _help_ , right? _Well_ , I have a plan. _You'll_ have a starring role."

Meanwhile, on the Ami and Hibiki front, the two of them were running straight for the school's football field (for American readers: soccer field). They spotted U. from their classroom floor, with the _entire school football team_ gathered in front of him like it was some kind of college lecture.

When Hibiki jumped out of the window, she landed on a small awning. She then hopped from one awning to another like she was Mario, then jumped from an awning of a window facing the front square, to the school flagpole. She slid down like the tiniest firefighter you ever saw, weighed down by a screaming mass of two passengers holding on for dear life.

Once on ground level, they dashed immediately in the direction of the football field, ignoring the stares they got.

 **A FEW MINUTES LATER...**

"Playing like a pro is no mighty ordeal lads, all you have to do, is learn how to _kick_ properly."

"... But UK-san, you have no feet" one of the players said, pointing at him.

" _Young man_ , haven't your parents taught you that pointing at people is _incredibly_ rude!? _My God_ , and I thought the Japanese were supposed to be the most _well-mannered_ people in the lands of the Orient! _Of course_ I have _feet_. How else would I be able to move around?"

As he was saying this, the countryball was preparing to to kick a football from the centre of the field, to the goal.

"Alright, and _here I go_!"

UKball gave a hopping start, and hit the ball with his lower body. The ball shot like a bullet from the centre of the field, it's line of movement almost perfectly straight.

It hit the net, causing the netting to _explode_ outwards.

The football team had all their jaws wide-open. Not a sound came out.

"And _that's_ how you do it, laddies!" UKball proudly said. "It's quite simple, as you can see. The mite funny thing is, I'm not even the best at footies. The ol' Kraut could beat me _sideways_ on the field any day of the weak. Probably a form of compensation for all their war losses."

A running Inazuma then snatched him.

"I'm so sorry, but _please_ pretend the last fifteen minutes never happened!" she said over her shoulder, while racing off the field.

"Aww _man…_ "

"What's the big deal!?"

"The younger years are such spoilsports…"

. . .

While they were groaning, the club soon noticed a very pressing problem that they'd have to explain to the coach, eventually.

Umm, guys? How are we going to explain the busted goal? _Guys!?_ "

" _AaAaAaAaAHHH_! Please don't _kill_ me…!" sobbed one student, who had a gun currently being waved at her face.

The gun was wielded by a bloody-red countryball with a yellow stylised representation of Angkor Wat (with rounded spires, for some reason) in the centre, between it's pissed-off eyes.

"yuo glasses scholars are of the reason for communitzen's great downfall! Are of of pay, you intellectual boruise!"

"H-Hey, I'm not even, I _barely_ pass my tests, man! Just failed one last week! I'm one of the lowest in my class, the hell are you targeting _me_ for!?" he sobbed.

* _SLAM_ *

Aki, Akatsuki, and Harry stepped into the room. As they entered, Democratic KampucheaBall turned around.

He saw Harry. In particular, he saw Harry along with his big, round, horn-rimmed Countryball then proceeded to go _completely nuts_ , and charged at Harry.

* _WHAM_ *

Aki fell over it with the duffel bag, while it was distracted.

While Aki was busy tying up the sack as quick as possible, Akatsuki stepped into the classroom.

"Is everybody okay? None of you need to go to the nurse's office, do you?"

"Forget the nurse's office!" Aki shouted. "Who needs a _hospital_?"

A flurry of relieved _no's_ were heard.

"It doesn't seem like it, young ladies..." Mr. Moricha said, putting on spectacles that have dropped on the floor. As soon as he put them on, his eyes widened in shock.

"Ms. Matsuda?"

"No time to talk now, teach..." Aki said, fostering the bag over her shoulder, it's contents still squirming. "Just try and forget the last fifteen minutes ever happened. Trust me, it'll save your sanity later on."

At his questioning look, Aki said just one thing. "Shipgirl issues."

"Ah… _Wait_ , that doesn't explain everything!"

But the three kids already left.

" _Ohdearmeohdearmeohdearme_ , where could they _possibly_ be next?" Ami moaned.

Hibiki took a few experimental sniffs. "An odd smell seems to be coming from… the Home Econ room."

"Hieee!?"

* * *

 **MEANWHILE…**

"Honhonhonhonhonhon..."

"Uh… dude? Teach? Are you sure that's such a good ides?"

" _Nonsense._ Is of excellent, _high-class_ idea! Yuo of see, class, tou can perhaps please the palate for the day while cooking ur usual teriyakis, and konbinis, and miso soups, but when yuo are of explore all the possibilities that the culinary world has of to offer, then you can please a man's palatte for a _lifetime_."

And then the oven chimed, indicating a finished product.

Cheerfully humming a showtune of some sort, FranceBall hopped over and opened it up.

Smoke poured out from the oven.

Everyone coughed and screamed as the smoke filled most of the room, with several students trying desperately to crawl for the windows, only to fail halfway.

" _What?_ Yuo are all of _overreacting_ , class! Is simply a _new_ and _unique_ scent that yuo are all of noses are too _unrefined_ to fully appreciate in all of it's compelexities!"

The door slammed open.

"France-san, get in the bag, and _nobody gets hurt_." Hibiki intoned.

An adult came in right behind them, looking like she'd just been thrown in the garbage dump.

" _Hey_ , that's _my_ class your stealing, you imposter!"

FranceBall only narrowed it's eyes.

" _Ha!_ And yuo think that just because I am of France, I can be willing to _surrenduar_ to easily!? HonHonhon, I have of left that past _far_ behind moi!"

And with that, he produced two kitchen cleavers from somewhere, and threw them at the sisters.

"Look out!"

Ami pushed the dumped teacher out of the way of one spinning cleaver, which embedded itself several inches into the wall behind them.

" _Oh my God_ , I could have been hit by that!"

The teacher went running and screaming from the room.

Hibiki deflected the other flying, spinning cleaver, then picked it out of the air as it was falling to the ground. She pointed it towards FranceBall.

"Honhonhonhon… You forget… that Europe's borders were once myne to re-draw!"

The ball chef charged her with spear made out of fancy dining forks. Hibiki didn't move.

"Sis!"

The spears broke upon hitting her torso. Her uniform was pierced and scuffed, but her skin was unbroken.

She grabbed Franceball.

"You forget, _foolish ball_ , that I am a proud _destroyer_ of two mighty countries. And destroying is what I shall do to you now, little friend." she said, in a voice that made all people in the room shiver.

"Hon, dat may be true, but while yuo may be of a _ship_ , madamoiselle, I am of an entire _country_!"

Miniature artillery pieces appeared all around them, appearing on the counter-tops, the floor, and window sills. They were Gribeauvals, Hibiki could see, and they were all rotating to face _her_.

"Nao, face of the artillery that made the foes of Napoleon tremble in terror!"

* _KABOOM_!*

* _BOOM_!*

* _BOOM_!*

Hibiki quickly let go of FranceBall, and jumped back.

"Honhonhon! So yuo have finally realizyour of inferiority to the great frace! Nuo moore is _I_ of the one retreating, nao it is of y-"

* _KABOOM_ *

. . .

Once the smoke from the artillery shells faded away, there was only FranceBall, lying unconscious in the middle of a crater.

"You know, there _is_ a reason why artillery is only used when an enemy is _far away_." Hibiki blandly stated. Calmly collecting the knocked-out Franceball, she and her sister quickly exited the room.

. . .

Along the ruins of the wrecked Home Economics room, one student dared to dip his finger into the grey goo that was in the oven. He put it in his mouth.

". . . Hey guys, it's actually really good! You have to try it!"

" _Ewww_!"

Chairs got thrown at him.

"Oh God. _OhGodOhGodOhGod_. We're all gonna be grounded, if this nonsense keeps up."

"Well _maybe_ if you _hadn't brought them to school_ like you should've had, then _maybe_ they wouldn't be out and causing havoc all over school right now!" Ami said, in a rare tone of exasperation.

"Not just school." Hibiki added, as deadpan as a cooking pan that hasn't been used for a decade. "Classmates' social media is abuzz with the local konbini and grocery being ransacked by them."

"Oh _shit_."

"Aki, _I told you_ why didn't you listen to me when _I told you this was going to happen!_ "

"Girls, girls, please stop." Akatsuki asked them, as they all ran. "Can we _please_ just focus on getting all those balls back!?"

Jane's phone made a little sound in her pocket, and she pulled it out.

"Oh hey, it's big bro!"

Jane looked more closely at the screen.

"He says he just saw some weird ball-thing hop past him and enter the classroom right next to his." she said.

The rest of them looked at each other.

* * *

"Here, here!" PolandBall proudly stated. "I is of know Niemcy iz _here_." it said, leaning towards a certain classroom at the school's top floor.

"... You sure about this?" Aki asked.

"Is of yes! The smell of Anchluss of _very_ distinctive!" PolanBall cheerfully replied.

The sisters barged into the classroom.

" _Alright_ , GermanyBall, it's time to get back in the bloody bag!" Aki said, pulling a real-life Rage Face.

. . .

GermanyBall was on top of the desk of student near the front, handling a calculator and pencil. He was carefully sketching out an equation on a piece of paper for the higher-year student.

"Ein dis ich how you do this step of das equation. _Remember_ , always of roundings the second value zuerst. Remember ein metaphor I showed yuo, ich like arranging coins adding ein contact to ur contact list."

" _Oh my god_ , I never thought of it that way..." the student said, and then immediately moved to hug GermanyBall like a plush dolly. "You're the best teacher ever, little flag-bubble thing!"

"Eich is not a 'flag-bobble'. Ich name is Detushland! Now pls letting go of me, ich is nacht appropriate behaviour of ein student to ein teacher."

" _Aww_ , even the way you feebly protest is _so cuuute..._ "

. . .

"Huh? Hei, Germoni is not of Anchluss!" PolandBall exclaimed in disbelief.

"* _Sigh_ *, how mani times do ich have to tell u Polen, most of de time I is of nacht Anchlussing _anyone_. I only slip into Anchluss mode sometimes, when ich very annoyed." GermanyBall relied, turning towards them.

"... Liek when some ball no pay denbts?" PolandBall guessed.

" _Ja_. Now what ich it yuo want, Frau _Akatsuki_?"

"Why are you tutoring the higher-years?" Akatsuki asked, eyebrow raised.

"Ich of believe zat if I waz to hab free reign of this ein fine institution of edukation, ein might as weil usen tha opportunity to help somme students in their studies, no? After all, education is of important!" Germanyball proudly stated.

Aki opened her duffel bag and held it out towards him.

"Well, we're glad you're not doing something like sticking pencils up their butts, but if you stay out here, people are gonna _talk_ , and I won't get grounded because of something like this." she said.

GermanyBall looked into the bag, and sighed.

"Well, eich appears ein have little choice. But iz was gut."

The countryball turned towards the students in the classroom.

" _Goodbye_ , ein class!"

And with that, he got into the bag.

As the Akatsuki sister moved to leave the room, the whole rest of the class stood up.

"Goodbye teacher Germoney!" they all said, in unison

"Auf Wiedersehen, main students..." GermanyBall said, popping halfway out of the bag. He shed a single tear. "Eich grow up so fast..."

"Overdramatec Allemange..." France groused, right next to hin.

* * *

 **MORE MINUTES LATER…**

They were outside the school, evading detection by going over the school fence at the parking lot, rather than risk running through the front gate.

Hurry! They're ransacking the konbini _and_ the _supermarket_!"

When they ran into the convenience store, it was like a twister had torn through the premises. Products were flung off shelves and littered the floor. Drink caps and tabs came undone, turning the floor into a wet, sticky mess. The hot-water and heating machines were smashed and blown-out.

And the balls were there, filling up a sack with food and treats.

"Hey there! Stop!"

In response, SomaliaBall pulled out an RPG-7, and blew a hole in the _konbini_ 's opposite wall.

* _KA-BOOM!_ *

The balls then hopped through and disappeared through the panicking crowd.

" _Quick_ , after them!"

They went through the konbini store, carefully hopping from the doorway to the collapsed aisle on one side, running over the floor filled with ruined snack food and sticky drinks.

After going through the ruined konbini, Aki, Ami, Hibiki and Akatsuki ran through a ruined hair salon, a destroyed sushi shop, a wrecked pachinko parlour, and a totalled cram school classroom.

The still-escaped balls, numbering somewhere just over a dozen, were still just short of their reach. They all jumped on top of a steel-and-glass railing, turned towards the sisters, and let out raspberries as they fell backwards into the crowd the floor below.

The sisters all ran like hell downwards, bumping through masses of shoppers and busy escalators, until they reached ground level, and then out into the street.

Huffing and puffing, the sisters ran down the length of the crowded. They ignored the noise, the heat, and the exclamations of the passers-bys as they pushed past, eyes focused on looking for _those last goddamn balls_.

Finally, they stopped right next to the local train station. They looked up, down, and all around them. No balls.

The rest of the country spirits were gone.

 _Gone_.

After a brief silence, Aki spoke up.

"Oh god. We are _screwed_."

Six children. An entire city of over 400,000.

"We are so, _so_ **screwed**..."


	8. Grounded

**Author's Note: Yes, yes, I know. It's been nearly an eternity since my last update.**

 **And you know, I almost considered abandoning this Fic in favour of starting a new one, like so many other Fanfiction-neers. After all, I'm not as much into Polandball nor Kantai Collection nowadays, compared to when I first started my fic. Where would I find my inspiration now?**

 **But then I look at all the other Dead Fics, and I think to myself "They're actually pretty sad, isn't it?". Characters with hopes and dreams, whose struggles never get to conclude, whose reward never comes.**

 **I take pride in my work (or at least, I try to take pride in my work). And so, this story continues.**

* * *

* _clack_ * * _clack_ * * _clack_ *

Went Ryoko's hard-soled shoes.

"Do you have _any idea_ of how much you're all in trouble, young ladies?" Ryoko "Tenryuu" Matsuda told her daughters, who were all currently seated in severe _seiza_.

"And don't try to move from that spot, even when nobody's looking. Because believe me, _I'd know_."

She left the room, and closed the door.

. . .

* * *

. . .

How in the world would their mom knew if they moved from their seats? The sisters didn't know, but decided not to risk it. Who knows what kind of strange mom-powers could be wielded by their mother, that they haven't seen yet?

…

. . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

" _Ugh_! I'm so _bored_!"

"Well, don't go whining about it in front of _us_ , Aki. You said it yourself, you _were_ the one who got us into this mess." Akatsuki said, eyeing her to the side while facing forward.

"Yeah, but mom's also _right_. Why didn't _you_ just try and stop me instead of following my every move! I thought you girls were better than this... " Aki said.

She was glared at by the rest of her sisters, all looking at her with contempt.

"Are you seriously... " Akatsuki ground out.

"Trying to blame _us_?" Hibiki intoned.

"For _your_ fuckup!" they all yelled.

Aki put her hands up defensively.

"Okay, _okay_ , so I fucked up big time. I admit it. Hey, could you please stop staring at me like that?" she asked, sweat running down the side of her face.

Her sisters did not stop glaring menacingly at her.

…

… … …

Suddenly, footsteps. Then, the door creaked, as it opened.

It was Admiral Goto.

" _Ah_ , Admiral!" Aki cried out, her eyes enlarging and filling with tears of hope.

"Yes, _afternoon_ , Ami, Aki, Hibiki, Akatsuki…" Go to said greeted, nodding in turn to each sister.

" _Goodness_ , Sir, what brings you to this humble barracks of ours?" asked Akatsuki.

" _Well_ , I heard that your mother booked all of you into this base on a weekend, then she herself promptly booked out by herself. Was just wondering what was up with that."

"Oh, _umm_ , did mommy say anything else about why we were here?" Ami asked.

" _Nope_. She just said, it was _for disciplinary purposes_ , and then she threatened to do very horrible things to anyone who decided to help let them out. When I got word of that, a few alarm bells came ringing off in my head. I came up here to see if you girls are alright." he said.

…

Aki thought deeply, then spoke up.

" _Hey Admiral_ , you're _way_ higher-ranking than mom, right?" Goto nodded. "Then it's _perfect_. You you give an order, then it'll _definitely_ override mom's, am I right? Am I right, _huh_ , Admiral?" Aki said, constantly vibrating as a result of bouncing up and down from her seiza position extremely fast.

"… _No_ , I can't. Sorry."

The moment the word _No_ reached her little ears, Aki's face twisted and contorted, it's many impossible wrinkles sending a single unmistakable message to the admiral, despite it's grotesqueness.

 _Are you fucking kidding me, Teitoku?_

"Wait, _what_? But you're the _Admiral_." Aki said.

"Yes, well, but Tenryuu is your _mother_. And in regards in raising her children, the parent is the highest-ranking officer. Even a Navy Admiral like myself can't override _that_ kind of authority.

That, and… you know, I'm a hardened Naval Officer and all, ready to give my life for my country, ready to face all the dangers of being a commanding officer and thus a high-priority target of the enemy… But I mean, I still _want_ to live.

. . .

And personally, between an angry Tenryuu with a sword, and a fully-armed Re-Class, I'd rather take my chances with the Re-Class. At least the latter is more predictable."

Nervously, the Admiral glanced to his left, then his right.

"Say, girls, did you happen to know at which time your mother left?" he asked, all the while nervously tugging at his own white collar.

Aki narrowed her eyes at him.

"Mommy left nearly an hour ago, _Teitoku_ …" Hibiki replied. "She said that she'll _know_ if anyone of us left, and that she'll hunt down and stab whoever helped us do that."

"Hibiki!" Aki shouted.

"What?" she asked replied. "It's the truth. And you don't want Teitoku to be _stabbed_ , do you?"

At that point, Goto's face went as white as a ghost's. standing solidly straight, he performed a perfect about-face and started running like hell out of the room.

"You are a _useless Admiral!_ A _**useless. Admiral.**_ " Aki shouted after him.

. . .

" _Hey_ , who's the one calling the Admiral useless worthless around here!?" Akatsuki told her, incensed. "You better watch and make sure what you're saying even makes _sense_ , Akatsuki! Teitoku at least does his duty and doesn't cause any trouble for others, unlike _certain other destroyers_."

" _Oh_? Are you talking about _yourself_ , then? Because everyone knows that incident where you downed a whole lot of that stupidly strong coffee, then started seducing the Admiral!"

" _Why you little-_ "

Akatsuki rearing her head back, and was just about about to have it smack into her idiot of a sister. Ladylikeness be damned. And after that, there almost certainly would have been a fistfight, if not for another person to come in.

The door _creaked_ as she came in. It was Aoba.

"Ehm, _don't mind me_ , I'm just passing through and getting one of my things…" she said, trying to go through the entire room as quickly as possible, while avoiding getting roped into a conversation with the Akatsuki sisters.

"... Aoba, _help_ , you're our only hope!" Aki shouted from her place on the floor. "Child abuse! Child abuse! Our mom is forcing us to to sit in this painful goddamn hellish position for the _entire day_. I repeat, sitting like this, numbing our toes and feet and legs, for the _**entire. Day.**_ Aren't you enraged by this? Maybe enough that you'd put it as the front-page headline article about some of the Shipgirls behaving badly. C'mon, this has _got_ to be way juicier than all those times you pictured a Shipgirl on a drunken rampage after being let into a civilian bar. Those types of stories are already getting kind of old-hat, don't you think? Huh? _Aobaaa?_ " Aki pleaded.

Aoba blinked. She looked at her newly-retrieved camera, and then at the sisters, and then at her camera.

"Sorry, kiddos, but I don't want to be horribly murdered in my sleep."

She then walked _very quickly_ out of that room.

* * *

Aki was depressed.

Her sisters were now resolutely ignoring her. Akatsuki was even deliberately turning her nose away from from her this time. That can't be very comfortable.

And then, they heard it.

* _CLOP*_

It was a very distinct sound, which one could hardly mistake for anything else.

* _CLOP* *CLOP* *CLOP_ *

The sound of horse hooves.

* _CLOP* *CLOP* *CLOP_ * * _CLOP_ *

"… Does anybody anyone hear that?" Akatsuki asked.

"That's freaky. What the hell-"

*BBAAAAARRSHH!*

Then, like the Kool-Aid man, a really big countryball burst through the side of of their house with a lance and a killer eye-smile.

(An eye-smile is like a regular smile, but made with the eyes. You can do it at home, too! Just lift up the bottom skin of your eyelids until the shape of your eyes visible resembles a waxing crescent moon with its pointy ends pointed downwards. For a mouth, that shape indicates despair, disbelief, depression and potential suicide in the future. But for a pair of _eyes_ , this particular forme represents the utmost in joy, happiness, joy, joy, and sincerity!

Now back to the show.)

Blinking, Aki turned and saw who had broken through the wall of their bunk.

It was PolandBall.

It was PolandBall wearing a steel helmet with two wing-like protrusions jutting out of the back and curving over and to the front, and riding on top of a glorious-looking white horse.

" _Hussah!_ Pozdrowienia, I am of great Vinged Hussar of teh great Polish Kingdom! I am to _thrust through_ and _destroy_ any threat to the great kingdom! _Hussah!_ the Countryball said, while waving around a cute little lance.

…

After a few minutes, the Akatsuki sisters looked at each other, then looked at the CountryBall, then each other.

...

"Hey." Aki said. The CountryBall spun about on his perch to face her.

" _Poland_ , right? Mind tellin' us why you're here why you just knock down one of our bunk doors like a one-ball SWAT team?"

The countryBall blinked, before flapping his feathers behind him.

" _Ah_ , being of course! As yuo of all know, several of more trouble-making Countres are of running around and making themselves of _very_ annoying and of disgracing the themselves in the process."

To which the Akatsuki sisters nodded. For the second time this evening, Ami glared at Aki.

"& so your ship comrades have banded together and went together to beat up smelly Rossiya and his stupid kebab friends. Iz being kept very secret, by the way."

"Secret? Why are they keeping this secret?" Akatsuki Aki asked, eyebrow raised. "The fact that there are horrific sea monsters wandering the world's oceans that want to kill all humans, and which launch attacks on coastal settlements and shipping on a daily basis is fair game for civilians to know, but not this?"

Hibiki tapped her on the shoulder.

"It's not so nonsensical. Think of it from the Admiral's point of view, sister." Hibiki said." The Abyssals, while certainly terrifying, the average person can at least be reassured that an equally powerful force, the Shipgirls, are protecting them and have their best interests in mind. But in this case, the attacking force is none other than the ones that people _thought_ would help defend them. In this case, the _Countryballs_. Is it not so crazy to try and keep this a secret from the populace at large? What if the police force started shooting random people on the street for fun?" At Hibiki's words, the rest of the girl's faces paled.

Polandball, on the other hand, simply nodded.

"But they your elder shippes have not done so goode…" the CountryBall says. "All the Battleshipps and Carriers and other big ships that aren't fighting the Abyss are fightin' my fellow Countryballs. And they are of getting their behinds kicked so hard yuo could see it from space. Let me of show you…"

Gingerly reaching behind him with his lance, he carefully thrust here and there before he finally _aha_ 'ed, and pulled out a television hanging from a piece of rope with a loop, which was currently looped around Poland's Hussar lance.

 _*BSSHT* *BSSHT* *BSSHT*_

The television was filled with anxious static for a little while, and then some coherent video finally appeared.

They first heard the whirr of helicopter blades. The scene image on the screen was that of a high overhead shot of an urban area with several areas in smoke, clearly taken from the inside while the door was dangerously wide open. From one side, one could almost see a person hold on for dear life.

"Good afternoon! This is _breaking news_ , straight from the urban centre of Yokosuka, where an _attack_ of some kind seemed to have happened.

The JSDF are currently tight-lipped on the issue, and witnesses have reported seeing has sent only the _Kanmusu_ to deal with this mysterious attacker. Naturally, the rumours have come flying out thick! Is it an Abyssal attack, so far away from the shoreline? Some kind of _Kanmusu_ experiment gone horribly wrong!?

The JSDF has expressly forbidden any media to enter the evacuated area for the time being, and has explicitly forbidden the media any news outlet to attempt to find out what is going on down there, or the exact nature of the beings the Shipgirls have been sent in to contain. However, speculations have grown rampant over the last few weeks days, and _we_ have been sent to give you the latest scoop, _straight from the source_!" the news woman said, completely nonplussed that her news agency were breaking several laws by her crew's presence alone.

...

"Is this a live broadcast?" asked Hibiki.

"Y-Y-Yes! They even started streaming it on _Youtube_." Akatsuki said, holding her phone up for the rest of her sisters to see.

"... Man, all the adults are gonna have a _fit_ once this is all over." Aki said.

"And the only one that can offe avert this disaster, is _yuo sisters_." said Polandball, it's voice grave.

" _Us_? What can _we_ do that the Battleships and Carriers _can't_!?" Akatsuki asked.

"Actually… not as of much, actually…" Polandball admitted. "Butt since a few of us have gone a little rogue, none of the others in de base are of willing of listen to us. In fact, they are of starting to have _locked up_ us in our own roomes already!"

"No surprise why." Hibiki said.

"They do not of know that all that is needed to pacify dees unruly countreys is just to press der buttons a little and then put a sack ovar them when they're distracted!" Polandball claimed. "There is no need for loud explosions and lots of gunfire when the method to calm them is simple if a little unorthodox. But * _sigh_ *, they are your people are such typical military. First thing you do when encountering enemy is use bollet on head. And if bollet no work, then use explosive bomb on head! And they think they are _such_ geniuses…"

* _SLAP!_ *

Polandball's head-slash-ball-body started ringing, and he shook himself to find a red hand mark on one side of his cheek, and a very rather incensed-looking Hibiki glaring at him.

"Polandball-san…" she said.

Polandball gulped.

"I have much appreciated the information you have deigned to deliver to us. I may even symphatise with the danger brought upon you by deciding to send to information to us.

...

 _However…_ "

The whole room around them seemed to darken considerably. Hibiki's eyes seemed to have developed an unnerving scarlet red hue, and what appeared to be _horns made out of shrapnel_ seemed to _grow_ out of the top of her head.

She grabbed Polandball by the front armour, and hoisted him above her with little apparent effort.

"You do not _ever,_ _ **ever**_ insult my brothers and sisters. Both ones in shared blood as are well as those in shed blood. Fools though some of them might be, they are _my_ fools. And I was taught _never_ to speak ill of kin."

She narrowed her eyes, and stared straight through Polandball's _soul_.

"So, if you continue to degenerate them, then I won't care whether you're fighting the greatest good or were sent by God or whatever. I am going to f̢̼̭͈̱̞͎e̦͍̮͇a̯s̱̬͟t̨̰͉̮̗̜̩ ̠͍̯̪̕ͅo̼̙͎̺̟n҉͚ ̤̠̞̰̫̭̳͢y̻̺͔̭̞͞o̶͍̮̮͙̹̣̯u͎̖͉̯̗̗r̫̮̻͍ͅ ̪̦̱so̯̳̩̹u̺͇l̨̥͈̺ ̪͝f̼̻̗l͇e̱s̻̖̳̬̠͈̦̀h̴̻͖̪.͓̞"

She dropped him.

Suddenly, in Poland, there was a sudden wave of uneasiness that spread throughout the whole populace. A sudden chill of doom that might await for some unspecified transgression against a certain someone, of which they had not a clue who.

Meanwhile, her sisters just gaped.

"Man… Hibiki can be _scary_ if she wants to be…" Aki said.

"B-B-But, still!" the teeny ball waved about, nonexistant hands waving about wildly. "You're still the only ones we've got that _might_ be willing to try those methods that aren't _throw shells at them until they're dead gone given up_. Besides, I _know_ you can do it. After all, weren't you the ones who helped stuff those balls back in the bag back then! With barely any help, even!"

When Polandball mentioned that, Aki put a considering hand on her chin.

" _Yeah…._ You know what, I think you're _right_." Aki snapped her tiny fingers.

"Aki, please tell me you'll be sensible and nothing not something completely stupid like I think you're about to do…" Ami said.

" _Nonono_ Ami, _think_ about it!" Aki said, waving her hand. "The adults can't even completely get the balls from getting out-of-hand, even after doin' things like locking them up and such. But _they_ listened to us during the first few hours of us bringing them to school. They stayed in that damned duffel for more than an _hour_ , Aki, an _hour_."

To which Ami raised raised a finger, and opened her mouth, when she was met with Aki's outstretched hand.

"Now just wait just a second sis, lemme hear me out first. Yeah, I know we might've blown the pooch and gotten em' loose, but we _were_ able to convince a good chunk of 'em to get back in the bag! And those we couldn't convince, we could beat or trick into going back inside. So _there_!" she said, proudly crossing her arms.

…

"What about those country balls we lost back in the mall-"

" _Oh alright_. You know what? _Fine_! I admit it: I screwed the pooch, I took a great big _piss_ in the swimming pool...-"

" _Ewww_ …" Akatsuki said, wrinkling her nose like it was meant to be until it looked like an airplane.

"But _you know what_? I'm a _destroyer_ , a total wrecking ball of the seas. It's in the job description. And I just can't stand idly by while some meanholes are wreaking havoc in _my country_ …"

. . .

"Wow, Aki, I didn't know you were so such a patriot…" Akatsuki said.

Ami, on the other hand, just narrowed her eyes at her. "What makes proof do you have that this isn't some kind of trick ploy to get us go along with another hare-brained scheme of yours?" she asked.

Aki's face went from annoyed, to saddened, to thoughtful. For a few seconds, she looked at the floor in thought, before locking eyes with her sisters.

"... Sis, I admit, I have _no idea_ how to prove that sort of thing to you. To show you that I'm being completely sincere about this or not. I can't promise you that it won't end in complete disaster and us getting grounded _even harder_. But I _can_ tell you, I'm ain't gonna _force_ you to go along with my plans now."

Grunting, she shifted her seiza position so that she faced Ami head-on.

"Sis. Akatsuki. Hibiki. Last time, I was an arrogant prick that thought nothing could _possibly_ go wrong with whatever I was doing. I was cocky. And arrogant. And an asshole. And I'm sorry." she said, bowing down deeply.

She then rose to look Ami in the eye again.

"But I can't promise that I'll be totally a good girl and just sit inside this room. If the Battleships and the Carriers are out there fighting against this thing, I'd feel like a cad if all I did was to just sit here like a bunch of civvies in a bunker. The job of a Destroyer is to _escort_ those bigger girls! If they get wrecked while we're I'm still sitting around here, then I'll never sleep again!" she turned to Akatsuki and Hibiki.

"And don't tell me you girls don't feel the same way."

…

The two sisters girls she addressed were silent. They had a considering look on their face.

Ami, meanwhile, was quietly fuming.

…

"You… You _You idiot sister_!" Ami exploded.

Aki blinked.

"If we just let you go without us, then mommy will likely just blame us again for not trying to stop you if we could! Don't just think that you can do whatever crazy thing you want without _us_ feeling the after-effects!" Ami continued.

"Yes. Please think about the consequences, sister." added Hibiki.

"... Hallo? Has yuo have made a decision yet?" asked PolandBall.

"Just wait just a minute PolandBall-san. Just let me smack some sense into my idiot of a sister." Ami said, before glaring at Aki.

Aki took a few steps back, away from her suddenly scary sister, before she raised her arms placatingly.

" _Okay_ , okay… What about a compromise?" Aki offered.

"A _compromise_?"

" _Ahuh_."

"Do you even know what a compromise _means_ , sis?" she asked.

"Hey, hey, I'm not _stupid_ , ya know!" Aki huffed. " _Compromise_ is when two people don't really agree with each other, but instead of arguing and getting into a whole big fight over it instead they work out a new solution that _both_ of them can agree with..."

"Okay, I understand… But are you really going to commit to this, Aki?" Ami her twin sister asked.

"What? Of course I will! What kind of untrustworthy troublemaker do you all think I am, anyway?" Aki asked of them.

The rest of them just glared back at her.

"... Yes, yes, I see perfectly well…" Aki said, nervously tugging at her collar.

. . .

" _Look_ , why don't we just let Polandball take us and then we can have a little look at the situation. If it looks way too hot to handle, then we go back, and pretend we never even left the room. Deal?" Aki said.

. . .

Heavily, Ami sighed.

"I _still_ don't think this is a good idea, but since you might go it alone anyway, I guess I might as well go with you to keep you from killing yourself, at least."

" _Yes_!" Aki cheered, fist-pumping on the spot.

"Somehow, I feel like I've agreed to something horrible and will regret it forever after..." Ami said, her voice drained of energy.

Meanwhile, Aki hooked her arm over the side of the horse, and leapt unto on top of it, behind PolandBall.

The rest of the sisters then climbed on, one-by-one. Aki and Akatsuki were unsure, constantly looking to their left and right, as well as being clamping _very_ tightly unto the equine's flanks. Hibiki, meanwhile, climbed to the very back. She was absolutely calm.

…

" _Alright_ , and here are of _gooo!_ "

The great white steed reared backwards, the weight of three destroyers and a Countryball on it's back, and charged forward. Towards the wall.

"Wait, _what!?_ "

Clinging to each other, the Akatsuki destroyer sisters screamed.

The horse lowered it's muzzle, and burst out through the side of the destroyer bunks.

* * *

* _CLOP* *CLOP* *CLOP_ * * _CLOP_ *

They were _flying_.

* _CLOP* *CLOP* *CLOP_ *

They were _flying_ through the air...

I mean, don't get me them wrong, people flew through the air all the time. The Shipgirls stationed in Yokosuka, at least, each have at least one international flight to their name. Albeit, for many of them, that time was spent passed-out in the passenger's seat.

Of course, there was _quite_ a difference between riding on a military cargo plane, and riding on the back of a glorious magical white steed that could who could somehow gallop over thin air.

The more expansive view, for instance.

The Akatsuki sisters _gaped_ as they looked at the city, spread out in a carpet below them. Tiny points of light were many, and were moving about under the sisters like so many shining ants, or perhaps a clan of fireflies.

There was only one thing Aki could do now.

" _Wohoooooo!_ "


	9. The Balls Are Going 'Round Town

At an unremarkable intersection, the Balls descended on downtown Yokosuka.

They hopped swaggeringly through the streets, ignoring all the weird looks directed their way. They didn't care.

They had just dropped off the "supplies" they stole, mostly by breaking into an some flat and scaring the occupants into letting them use it as their hideout. It wasn't hard. The only occupants were some hikikomori and his sniveling mother.

Now, they were on the move. They had moved along by hopping for a block or so, before breaking into an SUV that stopped at a stoplight, and throwing out the previous occupants out.

"H-Hey, what the hell do you think you're-AA _AAAAAHH_!"

Nonexistent arms pulled up the collars and waistbands of the occupants, then punted them out if their car. They fell and scattered about like pieces of spilled trash.

The troublemaking countryballs entered. Then, with some mysterious and absurd force, the gearstick shifted and the accelerator pedal was pushed down.

The stolen SUV sped right through the red light, causing shocked pedestrians to shout and leap out of the way.

* * *

 **Fleet Activities Yokosuka**

 **Conference Room**

. . .

About a dozen Admirals, hailing from sea-going nations all around the world. Some present in person, most via the magic of teleconferencing. Several dozen high-ranking combat and support Shipgirls.

In-person or over a network, the room was filled with some of the most powerful people on the planet.

And yes, that does include world leaders.

...

The whole table was silent, nobody wanting to be the first one to breach the subject.

...

Admiral Richardson sighed.

"Okay, so do we have a clear list of countryballs who clearly went rogue?" she asked.

Onyodo pulled out a clipboard and set it in the middle of the conference table.

"Sirs, Ma'ams: Here's a list of all the known spirits that have escaped captivity and have an unknown location as of now." she intoned. These spirits are the ones that represent the following states:

-The Democratic People's Republic of Korea

-The Russian Federation

-The Republic of Poland

-The Federal Republic of Somalia

-The Republic of Serbia

, and finally,

-The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia."

...

The rest of the Officers, human and Shipgirl alike, looked at each other uncomfortably.

"So, basically... a lot of countries with less-than-stellar reputations or pasts, am I right?" Goto asked, rubbing his head.

" _Yeesh_. I wasn't entirely on-board with the idea of keepin' it from the public and all, but seein' this... _Yeah_ , I understand." Texas remarked, pinching her nose and closing her eyes.

"Well, except for Poland. Doesn't like he quite fits in with any of the other names on that list." French Admiral Marianne noted. "But otherwise, indeed."

To which Herr Admiral Hartmann nodded as well, over the line.

"Yes. if people saw this list of Country Spirits _Kami_ , they might point at us and think we were trying to fabricate it all and make a political statement or something..."

"Though I still doubt how effective this course of secrecy will be…" remarked Spanish Admiral Salvadore. "This _is_ the age of the smartphone, after all. It's almost certain that a few enterprising young souls would've caught a full feature-length movie's worth of unedited footage of these spirits wreaking havoc, and and posted them on Youtube by now."

"Well, we can't do _anything_ about that, then." Admiral Goto quickly replied. "What we _should_ be doing, is figure out what to do _on the ground_. What's our _plan_!?" he insisted. "How the _hell_ are we going to put these beings of complete and utter _destruction_ back under control? Anyone?"

. . .

Everyone at the table looked to the person on their left, then their right, and then, the person right in front of them.

. . .

"Oh God _fucking_ damnit." Richardson swore, slamming her head into the table. Wood chips flew everywhere.

* * *

 **Meanwhile…**

A Nissan _Serena_ family minivan was drifting wildly through the streets of downtown Yokohama.

Pedestrians and other road vehicles dodged it's crazed, winding course, creating a frenzied dance of wheels, legs, and asphalt.

All the windows were wide-open, air rushing through the SUV car.

Somaliaball was on the roof, wildly firing an AK-47 into the air.

Serbiaball was leaning out of one window, with a Rock-It Launcher in hand, firing kebabs made with mysterious meat and pungent sauces into the faces of passers-by.

Saudi Arabiaball was leaning out the other window, incoherently screaming by passing-by women and girls about how obscene their uncovered faces, unclothed necks, and uncovered thighs were to God.

Russiaball was on the wheel, his body now 90% alcohol vodka, and rising rapidly.

And the balls, in general, were bouncing in their seats.

Eurobeat was vibrating in the speakers, as they slipped and slided and drifted through the city streets.

 _~Runnin' in the Nineties,~_

 _~is a new way I like to be~_

 _~I'm just running in the nineties_

 _~come on baby run to me~_

 _~We are running in the nineties,~_

 _~is a new way to set me free!~_

 _~I'm just running in the nineties~_

 _~yes I wanna know, yes I wanna see~_

Truly, the citizens of Yokosuka did not know what horror awaited them soon.

* * *

 **On a quiet street...**

* _Ding Dong_ *

* _taptaptap_ *

* _CREEEEAAAAAAAAKK_ *

" _Hey_! Get back here you stupid kids!" shouted an elderly man with a cane, waving it at a bunch of blobs running away into the distant street next street over.

* * *

 **At a playground…**

A little boy was playing in a sandpit, when he head a _pit-patting_ sound. He looked up.

"Mommie, look! It's some bouncy balls!"

The balls came over, each with a perfectly mischievous expression, somehow perfectly made without needing any mouths.

They jumped up into the sandpit and bumped their round bodies against his sandy architecture, causing it to crash to the ground and burying it's foot-high occupants under the choking debris.

" _Uwaaah!_ Mommy, they kicked over my sandcastle!"

* * *

 **Downtown Yokosuka**

 **FL 180**

Hovering above the rogue balls, at over 50,000 feet above ground level, was one of the latest in military drone technology.

Before the War, before all this craziness with Shipgirls and magic and crazy sea monster women trying to genocide humanity, Japan was content to order military drones from the United States and other allied nations. Designing their own models was not a priority at that time.

However, like many things, the Abyssal War changed all of that

Faced with the very real possibility of being cut off from foreign support (especially U.S. support), gave Japan the incentive to start developing their own unmanned drone technology.

This particular model was on it's maiden voyage. To keep track of Countryballs playing pranks.

Their pilots must surely be feeling proud.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, in** _ **Fleet Activities Yokosuka**_ **...**

Drone footage was being beamed directly to a command-and-control centre in the Yokosuka Base. It's contents were carefully being watched over, second-by-second, by both the Japanese and American Admirals.

The two of them, Admiral Goto and Admiral Richardson, shared an expression of dead seriousness befitting a military operation.

Meanwhile, several Shipgirls were standing right behind them, doing a running commentary on the footage.

"Did… did they just _kick over_ a child's sandcastle?" Yamato asked.

"Indeed. The _bastards_." Kongou replied, crushing her teacup.

...

An American liaison officer was looking at the footage with sheer befuddlement.

"Umm… Sir, they just seen to be pulling schoolkid pranks. Sure, they need to be taken in, but I don't really seem to get the sheer panic that you guys seem to be putting out over some little balls-* _ulp_!*"

Within seconds, Admiral Goto had backed the foreign official's to a wall, the Admiral's right hand reaching out, over the liaison's left shoulder, to rest its open palm on the wall right behind.

"Now, listen up here, _Captain_ , I don't know what _rock_ you were hiding under before you got this assignment, but those so-called "little balls" are classified as _highly_ dangerous _weapons of mass destruction_ by both the Japanese and U.S. governments."

"You… You're kidding me... " he said.

"Does this _look_ like a _goddamn_ joke to you?" he asked the liaison officer, pointing to his bloodshot eyes.

They were terrible looking things. The liaison could see them _well_ , capillaries pulsing as think as veins pumping, no _rushing_ to bring blood to the eyes in a manner not unlike that of a river nearly overflowing it's banks, or a traffic jam on a freeway.

"N-No, sir, absolutely not." he blurted out, and that's when the crazy Japanese Admiral released him. Admiral Richardson watched, but didn't say a thing. As if this kind of roughhousing was _normal_ for this base.

What the hell was wrong with these people!?

For not the first time, Captain Corn lamented that he didn't volunteer to be a liaison in some other, saner country. Like Russia. Or the Philippines. He heard that arcades were still a big thing over there.

"Hold that thought, Captain." Richardson said out of the blue suddenly, jolting the liaison officer back into attention out of his daydreams awake. Everyone turned to look at the massive screen projected in front.

Here, it seemed, the antics of these so-called rogue balls were getting harder and harder to cover up.

The Admirals _sighed_.

It was midday, and there was a traffic jam on the highway.

 _Why me. Why me. Why me. Why me._ went the thoughts of one beleaguered man in a minivan, hidden away amongst all the other assorted vehicles that were stuck inside this jam.

"Daddy, I'm _booorreed_..." said a little girl lol in the minivan's back seat.

Bored _!? How could you_ possibly _be bored!? You have quite literally all of human knowledge and entertainment ready and available at your goddamn fingertips these days, and you still have the sheer_ audacity _to get_ bored _!?_

Is what he wanted to say. Instead, he pursed his mouth and said "Dear, why don't you go and check on your Gacha World game? Who knows how many followers you must've gained by now!" he said, with a hollow cheerfulness.

His daughter didn't notice this spiritless voice, merely saying "Okay!", and turning on the family tablet.

It felt _wrong_ , somehow. Lazy. For him to keep encouraging her addiction to those stupid _not-games_ with those insidious microtransactions that he had to refuse over and over and _over_ again, just to buy himself just a few more minutes of peace and calm quiet.

Unfortunately or not, not even five minutes later and his daughter was bored again. She dropped the tablet like a hot potato on to the seat next to her.

Sighing, she rolled about in her seat until faced the car's back window.

When she looked out of the back window, her eyes became the size of saucers.

" _Look_ , Look daddy, it's a fighter jet!"

"Yes, yes, I hear it… " the tired-looking man in the driver's seat replied.

* _ **SSSSSSHHHHH**_ _RRRRREWWWWWWWW_ *

A horrible, grinding sound filled the whole car. Looking up, the father saw only clear blue sky.

" _AAAAAaaaaah_! The fuck happened to the roof!"

"Hooorraaay!" yelled the girl, out of the car's now-open top.

Meanwhile, a dumbfounded drone operator radioed back.

~Holy shit _, some asshat just flew a jet fighter so damn close to the highway, several car roofs were torn off!_ ~

At this announcement, Goto spat out his coffee.

He looked at Nagato, his Flagship. Nagato looked back at him.

"... It's the Balls, isn't it?"

"It's the Balls."

For a brief moment, nobody in the room spoke. They looked at each other.

"..."

"... Balls!" the Admiral swore.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, in Yokosuka Downtown...**

* _PSST_ *, * _PSST_ * * _PSSSSSSSSSSSTT_ *

* _PSSSSSST_ *

"... Hey, you know wat? It is almost as if ouer spray cans is of saying _piss! Piss off!_ " Russiaball said. He then laughed at his own joke.

"Rossiya, just of _shuttings up_ and help with dis mural. I want to see teh look the shitty impeliast dowg's feace when they of see _this_." North Koreaball said, looking down from his place high up on a stepladder, stolen from the some school.

Russiaball grumbled.

" _Da, da_ , be of buzzkill, why won't y-"

Russiaball, eyes now wide, looked up at the mural-in-progress on the side of the massive building that was visible to most of the street it was facing.

North Koreaball, raised an eyebrow and approached the Russian countryball.

" _Luskee_? Are you of OK?"

Russiaball blinked, and then glared at North Koreaball.

" _Sozhaleyushchiy_ , but even of uncaring and of non-PC I is, I am of still devout Orthodox Rossian Christian contrey. So whatever creepy things in your head you of want to show to da world, I is want of no part in it don't want to get caught near."

And with that, he about-turned, and hopped away.

. . .

" _Eh_ , dun of knowings what his ploblem is." North Koreaball said, before turning around and cheerfully spraypainting the rest of his _masterpiece_.

 **Meanwhile, back at Fleet Activities Yokosuka...**

Almost everyone is the situation room was looking at the situation screen, shocked silent.

"Oh… my god…"

The mural was, by _purely technical_ standards, pretty impressive, actually. But the content was enough to make even the most vulgar of sailors want to wash their eyes out with soap.

All around the world, jaws _dropped_.

"It's… _horrifying_." one officer stated.

"It's fucking _terrifying_." another said.

"It's an _outrage_!" yet another said.

"It's…"

"It's.."

"It's-"

"It's… _art_." one last sailor said, before another punched his lights out.

"Huh? What's the commotion?" Naka Aoba said, who was just coming into the room. "What exactly is everyone-"

She stopped dead in her tracks, staring into the image projected on the room-sized projector screen, her jawline not quite working right.

She then let out a high-pitched scream, and bolted out of the room.

Meanwhile, Iku studied the image for a few seconds, her head tilting slightly to one side as she quirked an eyebrow.

...

After a few seconds, she huffed and left.

"Might be fun for _some_ weirdos, but definitely not for me." she said, as she closed the door behind her.

Nobody reacted. They were all too busy staring at the huge screen in front of them.

. . .

* _Koff_ * * _Koff_ *

Shaking his head, the American liaison officer burst into a coughing fit after suddenly inhaling a whole bunch of smoke at once. He shook himself off and incredulously looked in the direction of the smoke.

Apparently, a lit cigarette dropped from some Shipgirl's lips, landing on top of a pile of busy-looking paperwork, causing it to burst into flames and making a nice little bonfire at her desk.

Nobody reacted.

…

 _What the fuck is wrong with these people!?_

* * *

 **So, ever had this happened to you? You plan out a lil' chappy, just a few hundred words or so, no big deal. You'll be done in no time at all.**

 **But then that "little chapter" grows as you detail each little scene. And grows and grows and grows until you end up with a massive mountain of words that would be straight up** _ **asinine**_ **to put into a single chappy, let alone to edit and cut.**

 **So yeah, that's what happened here. That, and exams. So yeah. Peace.**


	10. Oklahoma (I)

**If anyone who's reading this was wondering what desert I was wandering around in before I posted this chapter (though you probably assumed that this fic was dead and buried), it was because in the midst of writing what was supposed to be a brief flashback chapter that one could read through in a half-hour lunch break, had ballooned into a gargantuan literary short story through the addition of fine detail and character moments that stretched the whole thing.**

 **So now, what I had was a several-chapter-long flashback plot. Don't worry, I assure you that the nonsensical Countryball antics will resume in a few updates' time.**

 **At least, I hope that'll be the case.**

* * *

If anyone bothered to look up in downtown Yokosuka, they would have seen a very odd sight indeed: A white steed galloping on thin air, with four young girls and a helmeted ball on it's back.

Nobody did, though, because they were too busy fleeing for their lives. And their sanity.

Polandball's flying horse descended, as he and the Akatsuki sisters approach downtown Yokosuka.

"Look, there's smoke coming from a whole bunch of places!" Akatsuki said, pointing around them. The sound of panicking crowds grew louder as they grew closer.

"We have to hurry." Hibiki said, grim-faced.

The moment they touched asphalt, Aki immediately jumped down. "Alright, let me at 'em!" she said, her fists up, shadow-boxing an invisible opponent. "I'm going to show them who's boss!"

She heard a high-pitched scream, somewhere in the distance. Then, an explosion.

"All right!" Aki said, turning to that direction, and running towards it.

"Hey _Aki_ , wait!"

Her twin was behind her.

"Aki, watch out!"

"Huh?"

Ami reached out and pulled back on Aki's collar.

" _Ghek_!" she choked.

* _VROOOOOOM!_ *

Aki felt a large vehicle pass her by, nearly running her over. For a split-second, she caught a glimpse of the reckless drivers behind that car.

They were shaped like balls. _Multiple_ balls.

As Aki regained her footing, she quickly turned to her sisters.

" _H-Holy crap_ , sis, did you see that? The balls! We were this close, Ami, this close to catching them!" Aki told her twin, shaking her shoulders. "C'mon, we have to-"

"Aki, that's _not_ the _point_!" Ami snapped. "Don't you see what nearly happened here!? You could've been _run over_! You could've gotten _hurt_!"

"Indeed. Aki, running straight into traffic is not very ladylike, you know. If you weren't paying attention, you could have _all sorts_ of nasty things happening to you. Things like your outer paint scratched up and having those unsightly burn marks on your hull. Needless to say, car collisions are not recommended if you want to keep looking elegant." Akatsuki commented.

"Akatsuki-chan, that's not the point either…" Ami said.

Aki waved her sister off. " _Yeah, yeah_ , it's not like that little thing could've scratched me up _that_ bad. We're all Destroyers here, aren't we? If anything, _we'd_ be the ones running those cars over!" she said, swinging her arm.

"That's not the _point_ , Aki…" Ami said. She had to keep restrain herself from facepalming.

"Oh yeah?" Aki said. "Tell me what _is_ the point them?" she demanded, standing on her tippy-toes to tower just ever-so-slightly above her twin sister.

"..."

" _Sisters_." Hibiki said, stepping between the two of them and hastily pulling them apart. "We do not have time for this nonsense. Save this for later. Right now, we have _Kami_ to _catch_."

As she glared at each of her sisters, they froze up in turn and nodded quickly.

"Good. Now let's go."

* * *

 **Five Years Ago Previously**

 **32nd Street Naval Station**

 **San Diego, California**

 **United States of America**

It was a dull day. Orange light filtered throughout the whole base, and the humidity in the air seemed to have multiplied. Walking through it felt like swimming.

Inside, Oklahoma was in a hospital bed. Two fellow Shipgirls were at her feet.

" _What_!? And why the _fuck_ not!?" she yelled. A pile of paperwork hit the wall beside her, and fell to the ground in a messy heap.

USS Utah held out her hands in front of her.

"Oklahoma, we're really, really sorry. Really, we _are_ …"

The other girl, Arizona, continued.

"We tried to convince them otherwise, but they refused. We're sorry about this, Okie, but these are direct orders from the President himself-"

"Well the President is _stupid_!" Oklahoma shouted.

The two of them backed off.

...

She'd applied and appealed and appealed. She'd requested, cajoled… even threatened. With her guns.

Yet every time, the Admiral would refuse her _perfectly reasonable_ requests to get her the _fuck_ to the front lines.

Arizona spoke up.

" _USS Oklahoma_ , you're not the only _goddamn_ ship under this arrangement. I don't like this just as much as you do, but-"

"Then _why_ the fuck are you acting like it's _just fine and dandy_!?" Oklahoma shot back.

Utah flinched, but Ari didn't. Instead, softening her tone, Ari said:

"We're _sorry_ Oklahoma, but command has decided that we're way too valuable PR-wise to be wasted fighting on the front-lines, and that's-"

"Wasted? _Wasted_!? I am a _battleship_!" she yelled, her rigging appearing in a flash. The bed collapsed under the sudden weight.

"I am a _ship_ that was _built_ to _battle_! It's in the _fucking_ name! Me getting knocked out in the opening days of the War was just a fucking fluke. The Japs just gave us a good hard sneak attack when we weren't watchin'! I'm no _dainty maiden_ , who only sticks around to have people look at her and go _Oooh what a poor little thing she is_ and go jack off to her helplessness, then go to bed with a renewed appreciation of the U.S. _fucking_ Navy." she snarled.

"Oklahoma…"

"Now, we _know_ where and who the enemy is! We know where to fight 'em! So why don't they just let me go and _fight them_!" she yelled. She threw the covers off, and tried to swing her legs over the side of the bed, only for her feet to slam against cold, hard tiling at an uncomfortable speed.

*WHAM*

"Fuck, ouch..." she said, cradling a foot.

...

Utah spoke up.

"O-Okie, I know you don't like this. None of us do. B-But it's not like the Brass gave us all this assignment for no good reason… Okie, from what I'm aware, we have more than enough ships around already, both to guard our own shores and to help out our allies. They decided it wouldn't be worth arming and sending you off to combat at this point. Especially since neither of us has any real-life combat experience. They decided we'd be better off staying in the home front, and keep enthusiasm and support for the war going among the people as the _faces of the Shipgirl Corps_." she said, pumping her arm. For those last few moments there, it seemed like she really believed in the value of their "mission". Such that it was.

...

Oklahoma bit back a laugh.

"Easy for you to say, Utah. You got all your guns removed and turned into a giant target dummy for the Navy. After that experience, It's not like you'd have any problems getting fucked by them in other ways…"

Utah flinched at the swear.

" _Oklahoma_! Utah at least has a sense of respect and decorum... unlike you." Arizona said.

…

You could've felt the temperature go down several degrees at that point.

…

"Um… _girls_?" Utah ventured.

Oklahoma jumped out of the bed, pining Arizona to the floor.

"Okie!"

Within seconds, the two battleships were struggling on the floor. Arizona was on her back, and Oklahoma's hands were around her neck.

"Okie, _stop it_! Please stop!" Utah said, as she tried to pull the two battleships apart.

After she pulled her off Arizona, Okie's head turned to glare at Utah.

"Okie, p-please…" Utah asked, as she slowly took a step backwards. "I-I-Is not going to see action at the frontlines _really_ that bad of a deal? I mean…"

The Nevada-class snapped.

" _Easy for you to say_! You were useless even back _before_ the war. Just a floating _test dummy_. From that standpoint, almost anything else from the brass would feel like a promotion, _wouldn't it_?"

Once more, Utah flinched.

...

At that point, Arizona had decided that enough was enough.

"USS Oklahoma…"

The battleship looked over her shoulder in annoyance.

"What the hell do you want-"

* _WHAM_ *

A Shipgirl would be hard-pressed to seriously feel the blow of a human punch, let alone a Battleship. Punches from other Shipgirls, though, are a whole different story. Especially when they're aimed so precisely at rattling the jawbones together.

" _Aah!_ That fucking hurt you little you redhead piece of-"

Grabbing Ari, Okie held her up and pinned her against the hospital wall with a thud. Both of their hands were up against the other's throat.

Utah started to break down crying.

"... Utah?" Okie asked, looking back.

"Why do we have to _fight_!?" the dreadnought asked, hands covering her face. "This is the first time that _all three_ of us meet again, after _decades_ , and this is how you treat us!?"

"Utah, I…"

" _No_! Don't make any _fucking excuses_! You just wanna go out there and fight the enemy right now because you wanna stroke your ego! Get that _bullshit_ glory you thought the rest of them had. Well, you can go and fucking _talk_ to _any one of them_ , Okie! And when they tell you what happened, it'll be all numbers and no glam, because it was a fucking _job_. Something unpleasant that had to be done. Not some fucking _game_ , Oklahoma! War is not a fucking _game_ with _points_ you can save up and show off to everyone else. War is _shit happens, and people die_. So please, Okie… please don't be so _fucking_ eager to _throw away_ your _second chance at life!_ " the dreadnought yelled, her voice hoarse.

"Utah, I…"

Okie's face looked this way and that. Just a few moments ago, she was so sure of herself.

Now? Not so much.

"I…"

Oklahoma dropped Arizona, and ran from the room.

* * *

Somehow, Oklahoma wasn't even remotely punished for assaulting a comrade.

She had the inkling that they were actively covering for her. Telling the MPs that the commotion they just heard was a little bit of friendly roughhousing, that's all. As much of an asshole as she was, they clearly didn't want her to have her reputation tarnished.

She was supposed to be one of the survivors of Pearl Harbour, after all.

What would civilians, and fellow servicemen and women think of such a ship nearly killing one of her fellow survivors?

…

On a bench at some remote corner of the base, she slumped down.

…

"I'm _so_ fucked up."


	11. Am I Gonna Get Banned For This?

**When I look upon those other fics,**

 **with their notifications clogging up my SV account,**

 **a billion updates per day,**

 _ **nearly inhuman**_ **, I say,**

 **and then look upon my own work**

 **humble**

 **I wonder what the use of it all is**

 **Will it even survive? Will it fall into the sands of Internet history?**

 **Ah, whatever, I'll write.**

* * *

 **Downtown Yokosuka**

* * *

Serbiaball stalked the streets, it's mouth at the bayonet's edge of foaming. It looked left, then right. Into the eyes of scared and fleeing civilians.

Most of them were Japanese, and thus of little interest to Serbiaball. When it's eyes encountered a fleeing soul, Serbiaball always looked for half a second, then turn away in a huff.

It was unlikely that anybody in this city would be what this country spirit was looking for, for it was looking for the last thing you'd expect to find in the Land of the Rising Sun.

Specifically, it was looking for kebab. That is to say, Bosniak Muslims (though the food was a valid target too. No, it doesn't make sense to me either).

And as for it's reasons: It would certainly not for innocuous reasons, for it wouldn't be staring the world around it with so much _spite_. No, it was looking to do some violence. It was looking to _kill_.

Behind it's blank, white eyes, hateful thoughts ran over and over again in it's head, looping like a haunted tape recorder.

 _those traitors!_

 _how_ dare _they!_

 _The Marshal had a vision dream, a_ beautiful _dream!_

 _he helped march us slavs of this nation out of the darkness and death of Nazi German occupation!_

 _he conceived of a form of socialism that peacefully coexisted with the free-market, and which could have actually_ worked _, unlike those hack Bolsheviks to the East!_

 _he held together a land where Serbs, Croats, Bosniaks and Albanians could live side-by-side without fear!_

 _and yet_

 _And_ Yet

 _Those traitorous Croats and Bosnians dared to take it all apart! To dissolve the union just when Yugoslavia needed it most!_

 _They declared their bastard independence soon after he has died!_

 _It was almost as if they just_ waiting _for him to die, so that now none can stand in the way of their selfishness!_

 _those traitors_

 _those traitors_

 _THOSE TRAITORS!_

It was so embroiled in it's own thoughts, it didn't notice the Akatsuki sisters, lying in ambush behind a single red post box that would be barely enough to hide cover _one_ of them, let alone all four.

"Alright, Aki, you dragged us all the way here, ranting about having to get those balls as soon as possible. Now, I hope you have a plan, or else _this_ will be going somewhere _deeply_ unpleasant." said Hibiki, holding up a fist. A bead of sweat ran down Aki's face.

"Hey, it's cool sis, it's cool!" she says, raising both hands. She then fist-bumped. "I _definitely_ have a plan! And it's one tailored-made _perfectly_ for this situation!"

Before her sisters could ask her what the hell she meant, she reached behind her back, and into her hull.

She pulled out something that was twice as tall as she was, and nearly twice as wide. It looked almost exactly like a thick, delicious-looking stack of doner kebab meat, wrapped around a metallic rod, like that which is mounted on a vertical rotisserie.

A closer inspection, however, revealed zippers, one running down the back of the thing, and two smaller ones to the left and the right. The girls also realised that the thing wasn't made of meat at all, but rather a foamy substance that looks eerily like real meat from even a small distance away.

"Is this… a costume?" Akatsuki said. "Aki, how'd where'd you get something like this?"

"Well... I don't know if you guys know this, but Kongou-san keeps a _lot_ of weird costumes in her closet. I… kind of _stumbled_ on it while we were playing hide-and-go-seek in the base the other day. I thought it was pretty weird at first, but then I remembered one of the countryballs being _really_ obsessed with Kebab, so I took it and stored it in my hull for when we needed it. And _wala_ , we _do_ need it!" she said, beaming.

"Aki, you _stole_ from _Kongou-san!_ " Ami said, jaws dropping.

"... _Errr_ , I mean, it's not like it's money or alcohol or something. Besides, if she learned how we used this to save the day, then she'll surely forgive us!"

…

"Huh? What's wrong?"

"Aki, people have had red-hot machine-gun barrels shoved up their rectum after they were caught ' _borrowing_ ' Kongou and the Admiral's collection of costumes." Hibiki said. "We've all learned not to fool around with her stuff from then on. Were you sleeping under a rock when this happened?"

…

"Judging by the fact that it's Aki, probably yes." Ami said, sighing.

"Well, we already _have_ the thing, so we might as well use it." Aki said petulantly, crossing her arms.

 _Besides, who gets so_ that _mad over a silly party costume, anyways?_

"A-And also, that thing looks more sized for adults than middle schoolers!" Akatsuki exclaimed. "Just how do you suppose one of us we wear _that?_ "

Aki looked at her sister like she was intentionally trying to be difficult.

"How else do you think they do it in cartoons?" she said, before zipping open the suit. "We stand on each other's shoulders, of course!"

...

"I see… So, who's gonna be below?" the purplette asked.

" _I will_ , of course!" Aki said, gesturing proudly at herself. "I mean, Ami doesn't quite have the constitution to survive more than a minute inside, and Hibiki would likely melt before that minute was up. I mean, no offense, but she seems like she's more optimised for cold than heat."

Hibiki shrugged. "Fair enough."

After several seconds, the two were able to fit themselves in. Akatsuki was on top, with her face showing in front. Aki was at the bottom, almost completely covered except for two pinpricks for eyeholes.

"... Girls, I'm still not sure about this." the purplette confessed.

"You'll do _fiiine_."

From below, Aki (one of her arms, at least) briefly popped out the side to give Akatsuki a brown bottle.

"Here, you should go and pour this stuff on top."

"... Kebab sauce?"

" _Noooooononononono_ … Think of it more like _lotion_." Aki said.

Akatsuki still held the bottle of sauce at a distance, staring for a handful of seconds before she heard Hibiki _growl_ at her from over her shoulder.

"It's not like you'll be putting it on your skin, sis." Ami reasoned.

After digesting this argument, she shrugged and uncapped the bottle, lifting it up over her head to slather it all over the costume.

"It still feels wrong though." she said, as a stream of sauce descended from above her head, touched her forehead, and slid down to the very tip of her nose. " _Very_ wrong."

" _Whatever_. Do what you're supposed to!" Hibiki said, pushing them out into the street.

Serbiaball was initially looking the other way, growling at some family dog, that was growling right back, barely restrained by a couple and one child on it's leash.

The countryball stopped growling, it's invisible nose twitching as it picked up the scent of it's _greatest enemy_.

Slowly, it turned around. It's eyes briefly widened, before narrowing down into slits. The Kebab stood before Serbiaball like it was _mocking_ it.

Meanwhile, on the other end of it's gaze, Akatsuki was scared shitless. It was bad enough that her sisters (well, mostly Aki) stuffed her into this awful, ugly suit that looked like something a struggling restaurant mandated it's employees wear to attract kids. It was also insanely hot. The purplette felt like a baked potato.

And to top it all off, she was pretty sure that Kebab sauce was slowly seeping into her clothes and skin with every second that passed.

…

After a tense moment of silence, Serbiaball reacted.

" _KEBAAAAAAAB!_ " it screamed at the top of it's lungs, shaking in ridiculous rage.

It brought out a machine gun, and fired wildly in the air like celebrants at an Afghan wedding. Bystanders screamed and ran even faster.

Serbia leapt at the offending costume.

A wall of burlap blocked it's path, then enclosed it.

Hibiki caught it.

Eyeing the round, wriggling mass inside the brown bag, Hibiki put a hand to her chin.

"Curious how such a powerful and mercurial force being can could be rendered so impotent by hessian."

" _Fcuk you_ ", came a voice from inside the sack. Hibiki slapped it.

* * *

 **Downtown Yokosuka**

Saudi Arabiaball was perched on a camel and jumping up-and-down. It prattled on and on: Disparaging the fleeing civilians' shamelessly arms-free, legs-free, and head-free state of dress, threatening to behead the "whores", while leering at them at the same time.

It was making the girls passing by _very_ uncomfortable.

"Yuor attire is al- _FILTHY!_ Even a proper face veil shat on by dogs and soaked in menstrual blood, is al- _better_ than yuor _filthy_ western clothes, with yuor short skirts, shoulder-bearing shirts, and faces as shamelessly free as an unpaved dirt road!" the countryball shouted from it's steed as it trampled through the city streets, knocking over civilians as it went.

Saudiball took extra care in targeting certain people: Those females wearing skirts with some leg showing, or upper-wear that showed the curve of the body, or pants, or upper dresses that exposed 1cm or more of the shoulder blades, or those not wearing a headdress.

Basically, 99% of females in any modern city.

They were sent sailing into the air, landing in garbage bins, into store windows, and right into muddy puddles and piles of debris.

Then, it came across a _particularly_ outrageous sight.

The unlucky girl in question was wearing a miniskirt with hot pants underneath, a shoulderless tank top that showed the cleavage, stockings, boots and a jacket with all sorts of vulgar gestures and unholy images of devils printed all over them. Worst of all, her hair was dyed and _uncovered_.

It was a combination of every single clothing trait that Arabiaball _despised_.

It _screeched_ at the offending girl, causing her to step back.

The countryball pulled out a rock. Not the smooth, tamed stones used in twee cobblestone paths. No, this was a sharp, _rough_ , unweathered rock. A rock that exudes the possibility of bloody injury, just by existing. The type of rocks that were used to stone adulterers.

Saudiball lifted it up, just above his head and slightly behind, while narrowing it's eyes at the offender.

"The only appropriate punishment… is _death_."

It flung the stone at her head, with enough force to tear through concrete and dent steel...

* _THWANG!_ *

Intercepting it at the last moment was a single, well-thrown lance, diverting the stone from it's intended course.

Instead, the stone crashed into the asphalt, creating a small crater.

" _Who_ _ **dares**_ _._ "

A shadow was cast over the deep green countryball, and it looked up in indignation. It's eyes widened slightly in surprise.

" _Polan!?_ … _No_ , no, I should not be of surprised, why the infidel whore of the infidel EU should come up against me." Arabiaball stated, pulling out a sword from behind it's back, as Polandball's steed touched the pavement.

"Come back to the base of peacefully, Arabia." the winged Hussar said, pulling out another decorated lance from behind.

" _Ha!_ And _who_ al-told you that!? The pagan tree-worshipping Nipponese? The prophet-worshipping _Yankees?_ Or perhaps the godless atheists of yuor _European Uniion!?_ "

Polandball was unfazed.

"Perhaps it may be of one of them, maybe all of them. No matter. You must _stop_ this madness."

The green countryball sneered at him with it's eyes. It dismissed the camel, and started circling Polandball, twirling it's schimar like an engine that was slowly warming up.

"And _why_ would you of _listen_ to those _kuffar_ unbelievers, who _reject_ the truth of God and are thus destined to burn in _hell Jahannam!_ " it accused, pointing it's sword towards Polandball.

"And what makes yuo of so _arrogant_ , that yuo can of claim to know of thee will of God more than anyone any other imperfect being any other being on this earth, which he created for _us all_ , with no exceptions!?" Polandball shot back, hoisting his lance, festooned with banners of red and white, at Arabiaball.

"I of know, because I am of the birthplace of Islam! The home of Mecca! Thus, my word is God's word, and my action is God's action!" it screamed, twirling it's scimitars wildly, as it skillfully deflected the oncoming lance. It then exploited the opening to launch itself at Polandball's face.

Gritting it's eyes, Polandball tilted itself to one side, letting the curved swords bounce off it's helmet by way of a too-shallow angle. It then swept it's polearm sideways, swatting Arabiaball into a nearby storefront.

Polandball retreated a fair distance away, before charging again.

Arabiaball recovered and narrowly dodged the incoming lance. Polandball just turned around and charged again, losing no speed.

* _WHOOSH_ *

* _CLANG_ *

* _CLASH_ *

Again and again, Polandball charged at Saudiball, and again and again it just managed to avoid impalement. Scimitar deflecting one thrust, then barely jumping out of the way of another.

* _CLANG_ *

* _CLASH_ *

* _CLANG_ *

* _CLASH_ *

* _CLANG_ *

* _CLASH_ *

" _Arggghh!_ This is going al- _nowhere!_ " Saudiball yelled. It leapt on top of a post box, then to the top of a street lamp, and then to the top of an awning of some recently abandoned cafe.

"Have thou has giventh up!?" Polandball mocked from below.

Squinting it's eyes, Saudiball concentrated.

"Let yuor Latin eyes be blinded by the sand of my clay!

From the awning, it jumped down, towards Polandball. The latter held out it's lance, ready to impale the fool.

Then, out from Saudiball's tiny frame, a gigantic sandstorm _exploded_ outwards, engulfing Polandball and the entire street in hot, raging sand.

* _cough_ * * _cough_ * * _cough_ *

Polandball spent a few moments rubbing it's eyes with the body of it's lance. When it opened it's eyes, just as the sandstorm cleared, Saudiball was nowhere in sight.

...

Then it looked around.

The whole area seemed to have been flattened to desert, storefronts collapsing into rows and rows of sand dunes stretching to the horizon.

… * _neigh!_ *

A heat wave screamed over them, forcing the steed to kneel.

Polandball's eyes twitched as it strained to look up into the unnaturally massive sun looming over them.

The sun looming over them was _big_ , far too big and too bright to be the natural sun.

Polandball's white steed, usually so agile and gallant in the face of pain, turned sluggish in this sudden change of environment. When Polandball urged it on, it could only manage a slow, fitful trot.

Then again, Polandball couldn't blame it.

The heat made Polandball feel like it wanted nothing more than to melt and disappear into the endless sands. The helmet only made it worse.

Polandball explored the bizarre world that kebab had trapped the both of them.

…

… …

… … ...

It was well over ten minutes, and there was still _no sign_ of that bastard.

The asphalt roads were intact, but the city was replaced by miles upon kilometres of glaring sand dunes, the sunlight reflecting off of the sand in an unpleasant way. The few buildings that _were_ intact, took on a sand-covered and dilapidated look, as if the staff fled during the coming of a terrible sandstorm, and never bothered to return.

 _What has thou doneth to the city!?_

But it was perfectly obvious what had been done. The countryball had distorted the mundane world around it into a reflection of it's _Folkloric Embodied Land_.

It was the very embodiment of a nation's attributes: All that makes a nation itself, and not other nations. That is, according to the collective subconscious of all people to whom that nation is known to. Citizens and foreigners: past, present, and (perhaps) future.

…

Polandball blinked.

In the distance, in the wretched distance, there was...

 _An oasis!_

Polandball kicked his steed into high gear, causing it to bound forward, it's hooves pushing itself off the dry ground, and slamming back down again.

The sun was unnaturally hot, but the pace at which Polandball went made a small breeze blow into it's face.

Eventually, after a few minutes, the knight and it's steed finally appear to be within a hundred metres or so from the miraculous spring. Then, it shimmered and (like mist) disappeared into thin air.

Polandball pulled back on the reins, forcing it's horse to come to a screeching stop.

...

 _Oh, so it was a stupid mirage then_

Suddenly, Polandball felt a great pain, as a blade bit into it's side, then withdrew.

 _Where!?_

Polandball spun to the side, along with it's steed, but only saw a silhouette disappear down a distant sand dune.

 _Over there!_

Polandball raced towards the retreating figure, fighting his way up the tall dune, and finally over it…

Only to find even more empty desert.

Polandball rode on and on, only to find sand and ruins.

 _Where!? Where in world is it now!?_

Polandball rode on. He forced the reins of his horse here and there, straining his eyes to look for flashes of green or creeping shapes around the surrounding buildings and sand dunes.

...

It was completely lost.

…

… ...

Meanwhile, on top of a convenience store, Saudi Arabiaball _smirked_.

Stumbling around in the harsh desert, that heathen, once so confident on it's resplendent steed, looked so helpless now.

The green countryball mouthlessly smiled, and went to get it's weapons...

* * *

…

Eventually, after being pushed to it's very limits, Polandball's great white steed wobbled on it's legs, then collapsed.

Polandball sighed, before dismissed it. Tinier Polandballs exited the main body to carry the exhausted equine back into Polandball.

…

The countryball continued the rest of the way by hopping.

* * *

Great skyscrapers of gleaming glass and steel towered over the burning sands, and over Polandball, as it traveled under their equally massive shadows.

The region of Arabiaball's _Embodied Land_ that Polandball had now found itself in was an affluent and bustling area, apparently.

Aside from the massive skyscrapers rising all around it, in sheer defiance of the surrounding sands, the pathways in-between were also fully-fledged streets, paved with asphalt and lined with concrete sidewalks and tall street lights. Models from Ferrari, Lamborghini and Rolls-Royce quickly rolled by Polandball without a sound.

Far in the distance, one could see rows upon rows of towering oil towers, each spewing out gallons of black gold from the top in a wasteful and extravagant display.

And moving upon the pavement (also without making a single sound), were some of the oddest pedestrians one would see anywhere.

Bobbing up and down the street, were shoes without any feet within, and Islamic _thawbs_ without any torso to hang upon. For most of them, there were also colourful _keffiyeh_ floating about a head's height above each.

Some of these clothes piles were followed by a much smaller bundles of walking clothing, looking like a scaled-down version of it's "parent".

Finally, following behind some of them were vaguely humanoid beings of black cloth. A full-body burqa, Polandball realised. But when it he looked through the being's eye-slits, he only saw more blackness..

The whole street was filled with these specteres. Clothes that walk about, without a person inside.

Polandball seemed to have stumbled upon a more urbanised part of the map. And yet...

 _It seems quiet…_ Too _quiet._

It was the nature of it's surroundings. One would _expect_ a sleepy rural village, an oasis, or the middle of the fucking desert to be quiter than air. One wouldn't expect the same thing of a crowded and heavily built-up urban jungle.

…

And yet, the inhabitants made not a sound as they "walked". The vehicles passing by felt more like animations, continually looping without an end in sight, and also without making a sound.

…

… …

… … ...

And then, gunfire.

The first bullet ricocheted violently off Polendball's helmet, which held up surprisingly well, considering it was made to deflect swords, not bullets.

 _A sniper!?_

The surrounding hollow people either didn't notice the shooting, or didn't care. Without any faces, Polandball couldn't tell. They just walked on blankly, each heading for their own mysterious destination.

* _Bang_ * * _Bang_ * * _Bang_ *

Polandball hurried to a narrow alleyway for safety, only for it to then be harassed by a burst of machine-gun fire from the far end of the alley.

 _Oh Jesus Christ what sweet hell is this now._

The countryball bounced from side-to-side, frantically dodging bullets as they hit the sandy ground just a few inches away, sending up geysers of dust for every each impact.

Eventually, so much dust was thrown up, that it made a sandy smokescreen between Polandball and the mysterious machine-gunner.

* _Cough_ * * _Cough_ * * _Cough_ *

Undeterred by this small obstacle, the machine gunner opted to fire wildly _through_ the cloud.

Thinking fast, Polandball spotted a nearby window just a leap away. Polandball jumped through the window, glass shards littering the floor as it landed. Impaled with a piece of broken glass, Polandball dragged itself to the other side of the house it had broken into, and exited out another window.

It then ran down a street, and into the shade of yet another building. This time, on the outskirts of the "city".

* _Huff_ * * _Huff_ * * _Huff_ *

...

… …

Polandball entered the building it was leaning against, and sat down at an empty dinner table inside. It took out a water canteen, and drank greedily.

It idly wondered how the sisters were doing now. Were they successful in catching them all? The countryballs, of course, not Pokemon.

…

Though, several of it's countryball brethren were so stupid, they might as well _be_ Pokemon. Polandball giggled at it's own joke.

It exited the building, and moved once more through the narrow passageways of this illusory city.

Yes, it was ambushed by that machine gunner in a place very much like this, but if Polandball had to choose between dodging machine gun bullets in narrow twists and turns, or attempting to dodge sniper bullets in a wide-open place full of skyscrapers, and which seemed to be eternally baking, Polandball would chose the former.

… …

The shadows filling the narrow alleyways walkways of this area seemed to grow taller and sharper by the second, until it seemed like those shadows had claws sharp enough to tear one apart in less time than it takes to bite into a chicken drumstick.

...

And then-

" _AARgh!_ "

A sudden pain bit into Polandball's back. Again.

"Ay, of _fuck!_ "

But when Polandball turned to face his cowardly assailant, he was only met with a shadow that fled around the corner of a building.

 _Getting the FUCK back of here!_

A hard left turn. A hard right turn. A chase down a street with enough redundant twists and turns to give city planners conniptions. Over and through a fence. Through multiple windows…

And out again. Into the desert. Sand dunes as far as the eye can see.

...

Once again, the trail went cold, and Polandball was left not knowing where the hell he it is.

 _Again_.

* * *

 **A few agonising minutes later**

 _Hm, Hm, excellent!_

Where a head on confrontation failed, hit and run attacks seemed to work _very_ nicely.

With an expression of glee, Arabiaball readied it's spear from where it was surveying Polandball, intending this time to jump down from a storey-high sand dune, to skewer that Catholic infidel through the pavement _once and for all_.

…

And that was about the time that Oklahoma stepped in.

* * *

Oklahoma was very confused right now.

Okay, scratch that. She was _extremely_ , _unfathomably_ confused right now.

Just beforehand, she remembered walking across the chaotic streets of Yokohama, trying to lead a bunch a people away from where a car had just crashed into a convenience store.

She then felt an _insane_ wave of heat, hot enough that even her engineers working in the deepest recesses of her boiling room noticed.

So, she rushed off to investigate.

Only, it wasn't a fire, or some tanker truck abandoned in the middle of the road with it's engines still roaring, or even the asphalt getting hot enough to bake bread and fry eggs.

Nope. Instead, after a few seconds of walking, her surroundings changed from the dense urban landscape of Yokohama, to the middle of the motherfucking desert.

Orange sand dunes stretched out as far as the horizon. Asphalt roads were scattered here and there, alongside scattered mud brick structures.

And, just over the horizon, a great mosque with three spires rose out of the sands.

…

"What the fucking _fuck!?_ " Oklahoma said.

* * *

It was all going so well for Saudi Arabiaball: The heathen was beginning to weaken, and soon it will surely waste away and die in this battlefield fit for only the hardiest of warriors. Afterwards, it can proceed to take care of all the other heathens. Countryball or no, all will perish.

And then… what?

What _was_ Saudi Arabiaball going to do after it had utterly and irrevocably won?

…

Well, obviously, it'll make the rest of the unclean world worship Allah and following the Koran. Either by words, or by his blessed G3 rifle that can blow open tanks and jets.

...

And then… and then what?

Well, according to the scriptures, the only thing to do now is hang back tightly and wait for the end times.

…

Except… unbelievers are an important part of judgement day, as much as Arabiaball is loath to admit. After all, if there are no unbelievers around, _who_ will fall under the teeth and claws of the terrifying Gog and Magog _?_ To whom will the admonishments of the Beast of the Earth be directed towards?

And, in the middle of Saudiball pondering brutal eschatology, someone new stepped behind it.

" _Hey!_ The fuck is going on here!" Oklahoma yelled, trudging up the high sand dune until she saw Saudiball.

Polandball below snapped it's head up to the sound of a Shipgirl's voice, only to find Saudiball above it on a high sand dune, ready to ambush it.

* * *

Startled by the sudden voice, Saudiball turned around, only for it's entire body to jiggle in shock at the sight before it.

She was blonde, so definitely not a native of this heathen land (but still definitely a shameless heathen nonetheless). She wore navy blue tank top that bared her bellybutton under an unbuttoned jacket, wore ripped jeans that scandalously exposed parts of her leg and thigh, and her face was completely uncovered.

And, of course, she didn't have a headdress.

Saudiball _shook_ in indignation. Has no woman outside the bounds of _Dar-al-Islam_ have any _sense!?_

Oklahoma scanned the scene, and quickly found the two countryballs. Saidi Arabiaball was in front, and Polandball was down below, looking up in surprise. Nodding to herself, she walked until she was right at the edge of the high sand dune, within earshot and eyeshot of both countryballs.

…

Staring each of them down, she put her hands on her hips. " _Country Spirits,_ you and your kind have caused _more_ than enough trouble today. I think you both know why I'm here."

...

"Now, come along quietly, before I have to use _these_." she said, pointing to the massive 14-inch barrels mounted on her back.

…

Polandball snapped out of it's little daze, and realised the situation it was now in. It started to scale the sand dune, but easily slid down.

" _P-Pani_ , Is of _too dangerous!_ "

Saudi Arabiaball snarled.

 _What impudence! Not just from a heathen, but from a_ woman _as well! Truly, westerners are hopelessly sinful and hedonistic creatures!_

In fact, so scandalised by her attire, attitude, words, and _everything_ else about her, that the green countryball wobbledlike a piece of gelato in the middle of an Richter-9 earthquake. It screamed and charged at her, scimitar up and ready to behead-

"Hey _asshole!_ " a young voice shouted.

The sheer brazenness of the vulgar word coming from such a young voice caused Saudiball to trip over and drop it's sword before it reached Okie. It turned around.

That was when a few more figures stepped in.

It was the Akatsuki sisters. Aki in front, with the rest of them catching up just behind, out of breath.

Arabiaball looked at the newcomers with such _disgust_ , that it lost it's turn to act!

"Hey _asshole_ , feast your eyes on _this_."

Aki reached into her hull space, pulled out an album of some kind, and showed Saudiball the contents...

It was Muhammad. No, it was _multiple_ images of Muhammad, lacking halo or flame. The graven images looked _old_ , likely an Ilkhanate heresy taken from Google. Still.

Saudiball was _enraged_. Enraged to a level not even this writer is sure he can adequately capture. It wanted to take that insolent heathen brat and skin her alive before her own mother.

And yet… _And yet_...

The countryball looked anxiously between the Akatsuki sisters, and Oklahoma. It was _tormented_ by the presence of two horrendous blasphemies that _must_ be punished at once, yet both cannot be punished at once!

It grit it's invisible teeth, erupted in flames, and it's face turned inside-out. Finally, it wobbled, screamed, and divided into two like a cell in mitosis.

"Oh, _eww_." Akatsuki said.

The two smaller countryballs were now each half as big as the original Saudiball, each of them wielding an appropriately smaller scimitar as well. The two of them looked in both directions, growled fiercely at the Shipgirls who had them surrounded.

"I'll say it again: Give up now, and _nothing's_ going to ache tonight." Oklahoma said, tapping her foot.

The ball facing Oklahoma couldn't take it anymore. It growled like a rabid dog, and jumped up at the offending blonde, it's sword perfectly raised to slice off her head in one-

* _Chhoook_ *

It wasn't moving. Why wasn't it moving!?

It looked down, and saw that Polandball had deftly speared it in mid-air..

… Wait, Polandball?

Yes, indeed. It seemed to have successfully climbed the sand dune in time.

Saudiball was now suspended from the spear, hanging in thin air, a pool of blood slowly pooling underneath.

"Foolish." Polandball said. "Two of thou only means half power for each. Your zealous charge made it even easier."

With it's other half gone, the remaining Arabiaball could only watch and cower as the Shipgirls slowly loomed over it. It was barely taller than Ami's ankles at this point.

* _Bomf_ *

That was the last thing it saw, before a burlap sack came crashing over it's eyes..

" _!?_ "

* _lurrrrrrrr_ * * _urrrrrrrr_ *

"W-Wha!?"

* _lurrrrrrrr_ * * _urrrrrrrr_ * * _luuuuuuurrrrrrrrrr_ *

Suddenly, the Shipgirls and Polandball could _feel_ reality itself _lurching_.

* _lurrrrrrrr_ * * _urrrrrrrr_ * * _luuuuuuurrrrrrrrrr_ * * _uuuuuuurrrrrrrrrr_ *

Right before their eyes, they witnessed city buildings, lamp posts, and mailboxes pop out of the ground like seedlings, their signs and lights and awnings opening up like newborn leaves. Right below their feet, sand blew upwards in a spiralling vortex.

" _Ah!_ "

When the girls removed their arms from their eyes, they found that the asphalt and concrete had returned underneath. Looking up, they saw a great cloud of sand, flying off to who-knows-where.

...

In the span of a few seconds, their surroundings returned back to the urban environs of Yokohama city. The only remainder of the desert were large piles of sand left behind here and there on the pavement.

...

" _Yeah!_ We bagged 'em!" Aki cried, holding up a sack full of wriggling Balls.

"All over again." Hibiki added, folding her arms.

" _Hey_ , at least we caught 'em again! We saved the day! We're _heroes_! At least _pretend_ to be cheery about it for a moment?" she said, facing the rest of her sisters.

…

Hibiki slowly walked up to Aki, and coughed in a closed fist.

" _Izvini_ , Aki, but look around you. I don't think the residents feel like celebrating, even if you do." Hibiki replied.

All around them, the city of Yokohama was absolutely wrecked.

There were scores of abandoned cars, smashed-in shopfronts, graffiti _everywhere_ , mysterious cracks in the road (emitting a strange green light), bent light posts, broken fire hydrants spewing geysers into the air, and more.

...

"Besides, we haven't secured _all_ of them yet, so don't get your hopes up too high." she stated, as she surveyed the scene. Her nose twitched, and her gaze shot to one side.

"What is it, Hibiki!?"

"I smell vodka. _This way!_ "

The Akatsuki sisters hurriedly hopped onto Polandball's steed (now fully recovered from that ordeal in Saudiball's desert). Grabbing on to the reins, Polandball commanded his horse to gallop away.

" _Yeah_ , giddiyup, Old Yeller!"

A loud neigh was heard, and the sound of galloping hooves started to move rapidly away.

* * *

...

Oklahoma blinked, not quite sure what had just happened.

…

She saw one of those Countryballs, as well a few Shipgirls (and _destroyers_ , at that!), galloping off in the distance. The same ones she saw capture that repulsive Countryball.

...

She shook her head and ran after them.

" _Hey_ , get _back_ here! I have _questions_ you girls need to answer!"

* * *

 **Well, that was one hell of a chapter. And I'm pretty sure Kancolle is basically irrelevant nowadays, replaced by the apparently more player-friendly and international-friendly Azur Lane.**

 **Ah well, it doesn't matter. This fic has now strayed so far from typical Kantai Collection that it's essentially an original story now.**


End file.
